A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
There
is humility in the act of pilgrimage, akin to the act of bowing; you’re
surrendering your own path to follow where others have gone before. It
puts you in place, in that sense, and your intentions in perspective.
So
what do I do? I do my best, but I give up the fruit of the action. If I
don't know what's supposed to happen, it's probably better if I don't
get to attached to one particular outcome. I listen to hear what my next
step should be. I do my acts in the best way I can. And how it comes
out...well, that's just how it comes out. Interesting, nothing more.
It's a matter of letting go of expectations.
If
we indulge the human propensity to understate, exaggerate, and alter
facts for whatever comfort or false security a lie might accord us, we
forfeit our capacity to see reality clearly, and see only a world of our
own invention.
Through
repeated meditation practice, we can build awareness of our existing
mental habits. With awareness, there is space—allowing us to interrupt
habitual response patterns and bring intention to our responses,
choosing to form a different association.
Zen priests and partners Robert
Chodo Campbell and Koshin Paley Ellison talk about the importance of
having meaningful conversations about what we want out of our life (and
death).
he third Buddhist Contemplative Care Symposium
was held at the Garrison Institute earlier this month, bringing
together 170 caregivers and healthcare practitioners for the
weekend-long event to discuss ways to make sure patients’ wishes are
kept in mind as they navigate the dying process.
Tricycle’s web editor, Wendy Joan Biddlecombe, sat down with
conference organizers Robert Chodo Campbell and Koshin Paley Ellison,
co-founders of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care, which offers the only accredited contemplative-based chaplaincy program in the U.S. Their book, Awake at the Bedside: Contemplative Teachings on Palliative and End-of-Life Care, was released by Wisdom Publications in April and is in its third printing.
Here’s what Chodo and Koshin
had to say when asked if the holidays are the appropriate time to have
the tough conversations about what we want out of our life (and death):
Koshin: Now is always a good time for meaningful conversations.
Chodo: Death is always present. It doesn’t stop for
the holidays. But I wouldn’t necessarily raise the topic over
Thanksgiving dinner or Christmas lunch unless there was someone in our
presence transitioning toward death. In that case, then I would want
everyone in the room to be open to a conversation. Because why would we
be sitting around and bullshitting and not talking about what’s in front
of us? So I don’t think it should be barred from the holidays, but it’s also
not something I’d put on the menu in particular: turkey, cranberry
sauce, death.
Koshin: One of the things that’s particular about
this symposium is that we’re gathering together to share the challenges
and joys of being with people in their death process. Most of the people
here are not clinicians—75 percent of end-of-life care comes from
family members and friends. How do we have the meaningful conversations
that make our wishes known, and how do we allow ourselves to really be
open to these conversations? Have you told everyone you love that you
love them? Are there people in your life who are you most grateful to?
Who haven’t you told that you love them or are grateful to them? Are
there relationships you would like to repair? What are you waiting for?
It’s amazing that we don’t often take these risks because of our own
nervousness or distractedness.
Chodo: Speaking of the holidays, a great party or
after-dinner game would be to have everyone write down the five most
important people in their life. Koshin: And why.
Chodo: And why. Who is the person you could call at
three o’clock in the morning if you really needed something? Most of us
don’t have five people. We might get one or two. Koshin: Who would drop everything to show up for you.
Chodo: And that can be quite shocking: “Wow, I need to tend to my relationships. I need to write more, call more.”
Koshin: Those relationships are like the refuge of
sangha. We live in a time where isolation is one of the greatest
indicators of morbidity and early death.
Chodo: It could be simply looking around the table
and thinking, “Yeah, no, yeah, no. Maybe, yeah, no. Yeah,
definitely”—those are the people that are important to me in my life.
Koshin: It’s also who you don’t want to be
there. Because when we have very little time, seeing certain people can
be too complicated, too charged, too traumatic. It’s important to just
be able to know who you don’t want to be there and if you want to
address that relationship . . . or not. Our practice is to investigate
everything.
To
study the way of enlightenment is to study the self. To study the self
is to forget the self. To forget the self is to be actualized by myriad
things.