Much has been said about the moment when Michael Sam kissed his boyfriend on national television, as they joyfully and spontaneously celebrated the news of Sam’s drafting by the Rams. They embraced and kissed just like many other happy heterosexual couples do when one of them receives life-changing, great news.
Sadly, many commentators acted with revulsion. Newscasters in Dallas walked off the set in disgust. Conservatives blasted the networks for even airing that moment. And let’s face it, many people cringed in their living rooms. Even some gay people, unused to seeing such affection displayed, worried, perhaps rightfully so, about the backlash.
This much is clear: The world simply is going to have to get used to seeing two men kissing. (The sight of two women kissing unsurprisingly seems to raise fewer hackles among heterosexual men.) The sanitized version of happy gay life shown on popular shows like Modern Family rarely venture into the passionate gay kiss. But it’s naive to believe happy gay couples don’t kiss each other regularly, just like happy straight couples do. To say you stand for equal rights but that you don’t want to ever see or hear about moments of our intimacy is to deny us again a fundamental aspect of our humanity–the expression of that very love. And guess what? Same-sex marriage ceremonies end in a kiss, so if you’re for marriage equality in principle, you’d best be prepared for some homosexual ritual smooching in practice.
If you’re someone who finds yourself repulsed by the idea or the image of two men kissing, ask yourself why that is. Ask how someone else’s love, and how they publicly express it, actually affects your life and the enjoyment of your freedoms and liberty. The visceral negative reaction many experience comes down to what I call the “ick” factor–seeing or thinking about something to which we are unaccustomed, and reacting with an “ick.” There are in fact lots of things in life that make people go “ick.” Broccoli, for example, is simply abhorrent to some. But “ick” is never a sound basis for public policy or law. Your own discomfort is just your own issue, and you can’t and shouldn’t make it other people’s problems.
It wasn’t long ago that the kiss would have been highly controversial if Sam’s boyfriend instead were a white woman. Indeed, the first black/white kiss on network television was on Star Trek between Kirk and Uhura, and it caused quite an uproar. The ick factor then was much higher. Back when I was young, it was illegal for me to marry a white woman, and now I’m married to a white dude. Times change, and so do attitudes. Perhaps the most interesting thing about the Sam / boyfriend kiss is that no one complained about it being an interracial one.
I’m fairly sure next time an NFL player kisses his boyfriend on camera, it’s not going to get so many people’s panties in a bunch. Then we can finally start talking about how well they play football, and not whether they happen to be gay. But so long as people think a simple kiss is going to end the world as we know it, we sadly do have to keep talking about it, until we finally kick the “ick” out of our public discourse.
– George Takei
