3. METTA SUTTA

3. METTA SUTTA ( Metta=Love; Affection; benevolence; eros; agape amour; Loving-kindness. ) Discourse on Love
Introduction
46.	Due to the glorious power of this discourse on Love, spirits dare not disclose the frighful sights.    One who devotes to himself this doctrine day and night diligently.
47.	sleeps soundly and does not see any nightmare when asleep.    Oh thou! Let us recite this doctrine endowed with such and other merits.
48.	He who is clever in the benefaction and who has anticipated in the attainment of the state of Perfect Tranquility    must work to be efficient, right, upright, discussable, gentle, and humble,
49.	Contented, well-bred, less responsible, of fugal livelihood, serene in faculties, prudent, modest, not hanker after the families.
50.	He must not commit even the slightest sin for which the wise men might censure.    He must contemplate thus:- may all sentient beings be cheerful and be endowed with happy secured life.
51.	Whatever breathing beings there may be the frail ones or the firm creatures, with no exception tall or stout, short or meduim-sized, thin or fat,
52.	Those which are seen or those unseen those who are dwelling far or near those who are already born or those still seeking to become yet.    May all these beings be endowed with happy-life.
53.	Let not one be angry with another, let him not despise anyone in any place    By means of physical and verbal provocation or by frustrated enmity,    Let one not wish another's suffering.
54.	Just like a mother would protect her baby, the only child, even so towards with her lifeall beings    Let one cultivate the (Agape) boundless spirit of love.
55.	Let him radiate the boundless of love rays towards the entire world, to the above, below, and across unhindered, without malice and enmity.
56.	While standing, walking, or reclining, as long awake without sloth, sitting, as he be    Let him devote himself to this mindfulness.     This is called in this religion as "Noble Living" (Holy life).
57.	If the meditator, without falling into wrong view (egoism), be virtuous, and endowed with perfect insight, has expelled passion in sensual desires,    he will surely come never again to be born in any womb. The end of Metta-sutta
	The End of Metta Sutta http://www.myanmarnet.net/nibbana/sound/metta.htm

Metta Sutta: Discourse on Loving-kindness by U Nandiya

Once the Bhagava ( Lord Buddha) was staying at the Jetavana
monastery in the pleasance of Anathapindika at Savatthi. A group
of monks received permission from the Lord to meditate in a
distant forest during the period of Buddhist Lent. Each of the
monks took shelter under a big tree as a temporary residence and
an engaged themselves intensively in the practice of meditation.

On account of the spiritual power of their meditation, the tree
deities could not stay in their trees-abodes above the monks, so
they had to come down to the ground. Realizing that the monks
would spend the whole rainy season there, the deities were much
annoyed. So they tried to scare the monks away during the night by
harassing them in various ways.

After living under such impossible conditions for sometime, the
monks could not bear it any longer and rushed back to the Buddha
and informed him about their difficulties. So the Buddha advised
them to recite the text of loving kindness (Metta Sutta) and to
radiate the spirit of love to all beings. On the full-moon day of
Wagaung, the Buddha taught the monks the Metta Sutta. From that
day till now, the full-moon day of Wagaung has been called as the
'Great or Grand Occasion of Metta.

Encouraged by this discourse, the monks returned to their
respective places. They practiced in accordance with the
instructions given them to permeate the entire atmosphere with
radiant thoughts of love, The tree-deities were much pleased to be
affected by the power of love, and so let the monks (meditators)
stay without any further disturbances.

Metta

Metta is the highest need of the world today, indeed it is more
needed than ever before. Because in this new world, there are
sufficient materials, money and brilliant wise men and scientists.
In spite of these, there is no peace and happiness. It shows that
something is lacking, That is Metta.

What is the Buddhist idea of Metta? The Pali word "Metta" means
"loving kindness", not the ordinary, sensual, emotional,
sentimental kind of love. Metta has been translated by modem
translators into English as generous, mindful loving, loving
kindness, sending out thoughts of love towards others" but
according to the words of Buddha, Metta has a far wider
significance, and a much more extensive implication than this. It
means a great deal more than loving kindness harmlessness,
sympathy.

What is love? Love is also defined in the Oxford Dictionary.
According to it, love means warm affection, attachment,
affectionate devotion, etc. These are synonymous terms for love
and they all refer to sentimental worldly love. So, Metta has no
full English equivalent. For this Metta is much more than ordinary
affection or warm feelings. The Pali word Metta literally means
"friendliness", but also means love without a desire to possess
but with desire to help, to sacrifice self-interest for the
welfare and well being of humanity. Metta is with out any
selection or exclusion. If you select a few good friends and
exclude a bad person, then you have not got a perfect grasp of
Metta. Indeed Metta is not only benevolent thought, but also
performing charitable deeds, an active ministry for the good of
one and all.

In the "Metta Sutta" the Buddha has chosen the love of a mother
for her child as an example. Imagine a mother's love when her
child is hungry; she watches carefully to feed her child even be
fore it asks her for food. When the child is in danger, she will
risk her own life. So the Buddha taught us to love all beings as a
mother loves her only child. If we can do this even to a small
extent, the world will become happier and more peaceful place. In
the Dighanikaya, it is said by the Buddha that almost every virtue
such as unselfishness, loving sympathy and loving kindness is
included in this "Metta".

Though we talked much about Metta and repeat the formula "Sabbe
satta avera hontu, abyapajjha hontu etc;. "( May all sentient
beings be free from danger; may they be free from oppression
etc.), without Metta how can it be effective? This passage is not
to be merely recited. The Buddha does not ask us to learn any of
his teachings for recitation only. So the recitation of the "Metta
Sutta" is good, but the Buddha did not mean it to be merely
recited. He exhorted us to follow and practice the instructions in
it so that we might realize Metta as the best state of heart in
the world.

Therefore do not be satisfied with the mere recitation of the
"Metta Sutta" but strive to know its meaning with a view to
practicing it and to make it suffuse your being. That is the most
essential fact. Meditation does not mean merely to think about it,
but to practice it in your daily life.

Discourse of loving kindness

This discourse of loving kindness serves as a mark of protection
and as a subject of meditation. In the first part of the discourse
are found virtues that should be practiced by anyone who desires
his own welfare, and in the latter part the method of practicing
Metta or good will is explained in de tail. The Buddha taught us
to follow and practice the following principles:

He who is skilled in doing welfare, who wishes to attain
the state of calm, (Perfect tranquility) must work to be
efficient, upright, perfectly upright, easy to speak to,
gentle and humble.

Contended, easily supportable, having few duties, simple
in livelihood, controlled in sense prudent, modest and
not greedily attached to families, he must not commit
even the slightest sin for which other wise men might
censure him.

He must contemplate so: May all beings be happy, may all
beings be secure, may all beings be happy. He must
radiate the measureless thoughts of loving kindness to
whatever living beings there may be; feeble or strong,
tall, medium or short, small, medium or large, thin,
medium or stout, seen or unseen, those dwelling far or
near, those who are born and those who are to be born-
may all beings, without exception, be happy.

Let none be angry with another, let him not despise
anyone in any place. By means of physical and verbal
provocation or by frustrated enmity, in anger or
ill-will let him not wish another's suffering.

Just as a mother would protect at the risk of her own
life the life of her only son, even so let him spread
boundless loving kindness to every corner of the world;
above, below and across, unhindered without any
obstruction, without any hatred, without any enmity.

While standing, walking, sitting or lying down, as long
as he awake, without sloth (laziness) he should devote
himself to this mindfulness of love. This, they say, is
the "Highest Conduct" and this is called the "Noble
living" (Holy life).

If the meditator, not falling into wrong-view (egoism),
be virtuous and endowed with perfect insight, and expel
his passion for sensual pleasure, then, of a truth, he
will never be conceived in any womb again.

In the Dhammapada the Buddha said, "A beautiful word or thought
which is not accompanied by corresponding acts is like a bright
flower which bears no fruit. It would not produce any effect." So,
it is action, not speculation, it is practice, not theory that
matters. According to the Dhammapada, "will" if it is not followed
by corresponding action does not count. Therefore, practice of the
"Noble Principles of the Metta Sutta" is the essence of Buddhism.

In this connexion this "Metta" or Universal Love (Loving kindness)
is generally taken to exist in connexion with other people, but in
reality love for self comes first. It is not a selfish love, but
love for self, pure love that comes first. By having pure love or
"Metta" as we defined it for self; selfish tendencies, hatred,
anger, will be diminished. Therefore, unless we ourselves possess
"Metta" within, we can not share, radiate, send "Metta" to others.
So meditation on love "Metta" is to be started within ourselves.
According to Buddhism self-love comes first. By helping ourselves,
we can help others effectively. The Buddha pointed out, "If a
person cannot help himself well, he cannot help others well".

In the Dhammapada it says, "One should first establish oneself in
what is proper then only he should advise another; such a wise-man
will not be reproached!". If one cannot find happiness in himself,
he cannot find happiness anywhere else. It is also said that
people who cannot control themselves cannot find happiness.

According to the Buddhist method, training oneself comes first.
Individual perfection must be first, so that the organic whole may
be perfect. The state of the outer world is a reflection of our
innerselves. The world is like a great mirror, and if you look at
the mirror with a smiling face, you will see your own beautiful
smiling face. If you look at it with a shrinking face, you will
see your own ugly face. It means that "Every action must have
equal and opposite reaction."

So if you treat the world properly, kindly, the world will treat
you kindly. We should not expect other persons to treat us kindly
first, we should start by ourselves treating them kindly,

This is the essence of Buddhist "Metta" Loving Kindness.

"May all beings be happy, may all beings be secure, may all beings be happy minded and  may their hearts be wholesome."

 

Source: The Buddhists' Three Jewels, http://www.buddhism.ndirect.co.uk/

The Metta Prayer

In order that I may be skilled in discerning what is good, in order that I may understand the path to peace,
Let me be able, upright, and straightforward, of good speech, gentle, and free from pride;
Let me be contented, easily satisfied, having few duties, living simply, of controlled senses, prudent, without pride and without attachment to nation, race, or other groups.
Let me not do the slightest thing for which the wise might rebuke me. Instead let me think:

“May all beings be well and safe, may they be at ease.
Whatever living beings there may be, whether moving or standing still, without exception, whether large, great, middling, or small, whether tiny or substantial,
Whether seen or unseen, whether living near or far,
Born or unborn; may all beings be happy.
Let none deceive or despise another anywhere. Let none wish harm to another, in anger or in hate.”

Just as a mother would guard her child, her only child, with her own life, even so let me cultivate a boundless mind for all beings in the world.
Let me cultivate a boundless love for all beings in the world, above, below, and across, unhindered, without ill will or enmity.
Standing, walking, seated, or lying down, free from torpor, let me as far as possible fix my attention on this recollection. This, they say, is the divine life right here.

Translated and adapted by Bodhipaksa from the Pali Metta Sutta.

http://www.wildmind.org/metta/introduction/metta-prayer

Via Sri Prem Baba: Flor do dia - Flor del día - Flower of the day 20/02/2016

“A fase zero no processo do despertar da consciência é colocar-se total na ação. É estar plenamente atento a cada movimento. A atenção plena é o que permite que você ocupe o seu veículo, que é seu corpo. Sem ocupar o seu veículo, você não pode conduzi-lo; e sem poder conduzi-lo, ele será levado por impulsos inconscientes. Tais impulsos normalmente te levam na direção oposta àquela que a sua vontade consciente determina. Você é levado ao que chamo de ‘repetições negativas’: fracassos, conflitos, brigas e perturbações de diversos tipos.”

“La fase cero en el proceso del despertar de la consciencia es colocarse total en la acción. Es estar plenamente atento a cada movimiento. La atención plena es lo que permite que ocupes tu vehículo, que es tu cuerpo. Sin ocupar tu cuerpo no puedes conducirlo, y sin poder conducirlo, será llevado por impulsos inconscientes. Tales impulsos normalmente te llevan en la dirección opuesta a aquella que tu voluntad consciente determina. Eres llevado a lo que llamo “repeticiones negativas”: fracasos, conflictos, peleas y perturbaciones de diversos tipos.”

"Phase zero in the process of awakening consciousness is to be whole in our actions; to be fully aware of every move we make. Mindfulness is what allows us to occupy our vehicles, our bodies. Without occupying our vehicles, we cannot drive them, and without a driver, the vehicle will be directed by unconscious impulses. These impulses usually take us in the opposite direction from what our conscious will determines. We are led to create negative repetitions in our own lives such as failures, conflicts, fights and various kinds of disturbances."

Via Daily Dharma: Getting Started

Putting the Buddha’s discovery into practice is no quick fix. It can take years. The most important qualification at the beginning is a strong desire to change your life by adopting new habits and learning to see the world anew.

—Bhante Henepola Gunaratana, "Getting Started"

 

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Via Bernie Sanders:

 

América torna-se uma nação melhor quando juntos dizemos não ao racismo, ao ódio e à intolerância. #AmericaTogether

Thylacine | Full Gay Short Film

Via FB

Metta...

Via Ram Das: Weekly Article: I Am Loving Awareness

Download this Article (PDF)

When talking about awareness, most of us identify with our awareness through the ego, through the mind and senses. But the true self is in the middle of our chest, in our spiritual heart.

So, to get from ego to the true self I say, “I am loving awareness.” Loving awareness is the soul. “I am loving awareness.” I am aware of everything, I’m aware of my body and my senses and my mind, I’m aware of all of it, but I notice that I’m loving all of it. I’m loving all of the world.
The self that I identify with emanates from the ocean of love. The self that is the ego is the ocean of fear. When I am loving awareness, I’m aware of everything outside, but pulling into the heart, the spiritual heart, brings me to loving awareness. I’m aware of my thoughts, but loving awareness is simply witnessing them. Loving awareness is in this moment.
I have thoughts about the past and future, but those are not helpful, so I dive deep into the presence and in this present moment we will find loving awareness. Only this moment is real, this moment of loving awareness. The past and the future are all just thoughts.
In this spiritual heart there is peace, there is contentment, and there is compassion. There is also joy and wisdom, all inside of your spiritual heart and mine. So when you say, “I want a peaceful world” you don’t look outside, you go inside where peace exists. In Hinduism the spiritual heart is called the Atman, it’s the God within.
In Hinduism there is a story about a horse drawn carriage. The horseman who is on top of the carriage represents the ego, and the spiritual heart or the soul is in the carriage. The horses represent your motivation, and anytime the soul decides that the horse is going the wrong way, the soul takes his stick and taps on the window and tells the horseman to go in a different direction. So most of us identify with the horseman, because you are an incarnation that includes the ego.
The soul has come from many previous incarnations, it’s been through many births and deaths and it has no fear. The ego is afraid that when this incarnation is ended, it’s all going to end. The soul knows that he or she goes through incarnation after incarnation. Your incarnation includes your parents, your body, your friends, your culture.

I am in this body – this body, my personality, are all in time and space, but I am not in time or space. I am infinite. I am loving awareness.

– Ram Dass

Via Sri Prem Baba: Flor do dia - Flor del día - Flower of the day 19/02/2016

“A impaciência é uma derivação da ansiedade. Muitos buscadores espirituais iniciam o caminho por causa do sofrimento que a ansiedade gera, mas acabam transferindo essa ansiedade para o caminho espiritual. Antes você tinha ansiedade em relação à realização material, agora você se torna impaciente e ansioso em relação à realização espiritual. Portanto, tenha calma. Através do conhecimento e das práticas, nós estamos plantando sementes, mas não podemos saber quando elas germinarão. O nosso trabalho é cuidar das sementes, sem determinar quando elas irão brotar e dar flores ou frutos.”

“La impaciencia es una derivación de la ansiedad. Muchos buscadores espirituales inician el camino debido al sufrimiento que la ansiedad genera, pero terminan transfiriendo esta ansiedad al camino espiritual. Antes tenías ansiedad en relación a la realización material, ahora te volviste impaciente y ansioso en relación a la realización espiritual. Por lo tanto, ten calma. A través del conocimiento y de las prácticas, estamos plantando semillas, pero no podemos saber cuándo van a germinar. Nuestro trabajo es cuidar las semillas, sin determinar cuándo van a brotar y dar flores o frutos.”

"Impatience is a result of anxiety. Many spiritual seekers begin on this path due to the suffering that anxiety generates, but they end up transferring this anxiety onto the spiritual path. Initially, one may have had anxiety about material achievement, but one may now be impatient and anxious about spiritual realization. So, stay calm. Through knowledge and practice, we are planting seeds, but we cannot predict when they will sprout. Our job is to take care of these seeds, without determining when they will sprout or bear flowers and fruit.”

Via Daily Dharma: Focused Attention

An ordinary person’s attention strays according to any movement of mind. Suddenly there is the confusion of believing in self and other, subject and object, and this situation goes on and on repeating itself endlessly.

— Tulku Urgyen Rinpoche, "Taking Your Future Into Your Own Hands"

 

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Via Sri Prem Baba: Flor do dia - Flor del día - Flower of the day 18/02/2016

“A paciência é um grande poder, é uma expressão da força. Ao perder a paciência, você perde sua força e se torna vulnerável. Alguns fingem ter paciência, e dessa forma acabam se prejudicando. Por fora você não demonstra, mas por dentro está pegando fogo. A falsa paciência é geradora de muitas doenças. Ela causa alterações no sistema nervoso e, consequentemente, no sistema endócrino, o que se manifesta em diferentes partes do corpo de acordo com as suas heranças kármicas. Já a autêntica paciência é fonte de saúde, pois estabelece equanimidade mental.”

“La paciencia es un gran poder, es una expresión de fuerza. Al perder la paciencia, pierdes tu fuerza y te vuelves vulnerable. Algunos fingen tener paciencia, y de esta forma terminan perjudicándose. Por afuera no lo demuestras, pero por dentro estás prendiéndote fuego. La falsa paciencia genera muchas enfermedades. Causa alteraciones en el sistema nervioso y consecuentemente en el sistema endocrino, lo que se manifiesta en diferentes partes del cuerpo de acuerdo con tus herencias kármicas. La auténtica paciencia es fuente de salud, ya que establece ecuanimidad mental.”

"Patience is a great power – it is an expression of strength. When we lose patience, we lose our strength and become vulnerable. Some people merely pretend to be patient, but end up harming themselves, for behind their outward cool they are on fire. This false patience generates many illnesses. It causes changes in the nervous system and, consequently, in the endocrine system. The symptoms then show up in different parts of the body according to our own karmic baggage. Authentic patience on the other hand, is a source of health as it establishes mental equanimity.”

Via Daily Dharma: Experiential Wisdom

Contemplative inquiry is in effect a dialogue between the “I” of the mind and the “me” of the body that attunes us to the body’s deeper knowing, its genuine experiential wisdom. Unlike discursive mind, the body has no way of being anything other than genuine.

—David Rome, "Focusing and Meditating"

 

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Via JMG: CALIFORNIA: Assemblyman Evan Low Proposes Ban On State-Funded Travel To States With Anti-LGBT Laws

February 17, 2016 Civil Rights, LGBT News

From the Bay Area Reporter:

A gay California lawmaker wants to ban state-funded travel to states with anti-LGBT laws. Assemblyman Evan Low (D-Campbell) has introduced AB 1887, which would end state-funded travel to any state with a law in effect that sanctions or requires discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, gender identity, or gender expression.

The announcement by Low’s office this morning (Wednesday, February 17) comes as a number of Republican-controlled state legislatures in the Midwest and the South have moved to adopt a range of anti-LGBT legislation.

While measures in Indiana, Washington, and Virginia have been defeated in recent weeks, several pieces of legislation that discriminate against transgender students have been advancing in South Dakota. And a bill in Tennessee giving counselors the right to not see patients based on their religious beliefs is now before that state’s Senate.

The American Civil Liberties Union and LGBT rights groups are also tracking anti-LGBT bills in the state legislatures in Georgia, Florida, West Virginia and elsewhere.

RELATED: Low, now 32, became mayor of Campbell, California (population 40,000) in 2009 at the age of 26, making him the youngest openly gay Asian-American mayor in US history.

Read the original and more from JMG here

Via JMG: FINLAND: Marriage Equality Law Finalized

February 17, 2016 LGBT News, Marriage Equality

Finland’s parliament today finalized the details of the marriage equality law which goes into effect in March 2017:

Parliament has approved legal changes that will allow same-sex couples in registered partnerships to convert their legal status to ‘married’ by notifying the authorities. MPs voted in favour of the legislation by 106 votes to 42.

The move also eliminates registered partnerships for couples seeking to get hitched—they will now only have the option to get married. Transgender people will no longer be required to be single—not in a marriage or registered partnership—when their gender switch is recognised.

The changes approved on Wednesday were a follow-up to the already-approved law on same-sex marriage, which made legislation covering marriage gender-neutral. The changes will come into force in Match 2017.

(Tipped by JMG reader Luis)

Read the original and more at JMG here

Via JMG: COLOMBIA: Marriage Equality Ruling Due Tomorrow

February 17, 2016 LGBT News, Marriage Equality

Tomorrow Colombia may join Brazil, Argentina, and Uruguay and become the fourth South American nation to legalize same-sex marriage. From our very own Perchy Bird:

Originally, the [Supreme] Court’s website wrote that the debate on the issue of whether gay couples can marry and if existing marriages performed by civil court judges should be annulled was planned on February 4th, but it was ultimately delayed.

Yesterday, the website once again mentioned the lawsuit in their Order of the Day and has now scheduled a debate on the 18th of this month. If the media predictions are correct, the majority of the 9 Justices will rule in favor of gay couples and make Colombia the next South American country with same-sex marriage.

The Perchy Bird is the work of longtime JMG commenter Luis De La Cruz and focuses on international developments in LGBT rights. Hit the link and bookmark it!

RELATED: In May 2014, Colombian President Juan Santos had this to say: “Marriage between homosexuals to me is perfectly acceptable and what’s more I am defending unions that exist between two people of the same sex with the rights and all of the same privileges that this union should receive. If these unions are called marriage or not is secondary to me. For me it is important that they have their rights.”

Read the JMG original and more here

Via Thich Nhat Hanh - Lion's Roar / Growing Together

In his introduction to the book, Love’s Garden: A Guide to Mindful Relationships, Thich Nhat Hanh shows us how we can use loving relationships to cultivate the seeds of buddhahood inside us.

To commit to another person is to embark on a very adventurous journey. You must be very wise and very patient to keep your love alive so it will last for a long time. The first year of a committed relationship can already reveal how difficult it is. When you first commit to someone, you have a beautiful image of them, and you marry that image rather than the person. When you live with each other twenty-four hours a day, you begin to discover the reality of the other person, which doesn’t quite correspond with the image you have of him or of her. Sometimes we’re disappointed.

In the beginning you’re very passionate. But that passion for the other person may last only a short time—maybe six months, a year, or two years. Then, if you’re not skillful, if you don’t practice, if you’re not wise, suffering will be born in you and in the other person. When you see someone else, you might think you’d be happier with them. In Vietnamese we have a saying: “Standing on top of one mountain and gazing at the top of another, you think you’d rather be standing on the other mountain.”

When we commit to a partner, either in a marriage ceremony or in a private way, usually it is because we believe we can be and want to be faithful to our partner for the whole of our life. In the Five Mindfulness Trainings, the third training is to be faithful to the partner you commit to. That is a challenging practice that requires consistent strong practice. Many of us don’t have a lot of models of loyalty and faithfulness around us. The U.S. divorce rate is around fifty percent, and for nonmarried but committed partners the rates are similar or higher.

We tend to compare ourselves with others and to wonder if we have enough to offer in a relationship. Many of us feel unworthy. We’re thirsty for truth, goodness, compassion, spiritual beauty, and we’re sure these things don’t exist within us, so we go looking outside. Sometimes we think we’ve found the ideal partner who embodies all that is good, beautiful, and true. That person may be a romantic partner, a friend, or a spiritual teacher. We see all the good in that person and we fall in love. After a time, we usually discover that we’ve had a wrong perception of that person and we become disappointed.

Beauty and goodness are always there in each of us. This is the basic teaching of the Buddha. A true teacher, a true spiritual partner, is one who encourages you to look deeply in yourself for the beauty and love you are seeking. The true teacher is someone who helps you discover the teacher in yourself.

According to the Buddha, the birth of a human being is not a beginning but a continuation, and when we’re born, all the different kinds of seeds—seeds of goodness, of cruelty, of awakening—are already inside us. Whether the goodness or cruelty in us is revealed depends on what seeds we cultivate, our actions, and our way of life.

At the moment of his awakening at the foot of the bodhi tree, the Buddha declared, “How strange—all beings possess the capacity to be awakened, to understand, to love, to be free—yet they allow themselves to be carried away on the ocean of suffering.” He saw that, day and night, we’re seeking what is already there within us. We can call it buddhanature, awakened nature, the true freedom that is the foundation for all peace and happiness. The capacity to be enlightened isn’t something that someone else can offer to you. A teacher can only help you to remove the non-enlightened elements in you so that enlightenment can be revealed. If you have confidence that beauty, goodness, and the true teacher are in you, and if you take refuge in them, you will practice in a way that reveals these qualities more clearly each day.

Each one of us is sovereign over the territory of our own being and the five elements we are made of. These elements are form (body), feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. Our practice is to look deeply into these five elements and discover the true nature of our being—the true nature of our suffering, our happiness, our peace, our fearlessness.

But when we’ve abandoned our territory, we’re not responsible rulers. We haven’t practiced and, every day, instead of taking care of our territory, we’ve run away from it and allowed conflicts and disorder to arise. We’re afraid to go back to our territory and face the difficulties and suffering there. 

Whenever we have fifteen “free” minutes, or an hour or two, we have the habit of using television, newspapers, music, conversation, or the telephone to forget and to run away from the reality of the elements that make up our being. We think, “I’m suffering too much, I have too many problems. I don’t want to go back to them anymore.”

We have to come back to our physical selves and put things in order. The Buddha gave us very concrete practices that show us how to do this. He was very clear that to clean up and transform the elements of our selves, we need to cultivate the energy of mindfulness. This is what will give us the strength to come back to ourselves.

The energy of mindfulness is something concrete that can be cultivated. When we practice walking mindfully, our solid, peaceful steps cultivate the energy of mindfulness and bring us back to the present moment. When we sit and follow our breathing, aware of our in- and out-breath, we are cultivating the energy of mindfulness. When we have a meal in mindfulness, we invest all our being in the present moment and are aware of our food and of those who are eating with us. We can cultivate the energy of mindfulness while we walk, while we breathe, while we work, while we wash the dishes or wash our clothes. A few days practicing like this can increase the energy of mindfulness in you, and that energy will help you, protect you, and give you courage to go back to yourself, to see and embrace what is there in your territory.

There are real, painful feelings, strong emotions, troubling perceptions that agitate or make us afraid. With the energy of mindfulness, we can spend time with these difficult feelings without running away. We can embrace them the way a parent embraces a child and say to them, “Darling, I am here for you; I have come back; I’m going to take care of you.” This is what we do with all our emotions, feelings, and perceptions.

When you begin to practice Buddhism, you begin as a part-time buddha and slowly you become a full-time buddha. Sometimes you fall back and become a part-time buddha again, but with steady practice you become a full-time buddha again. Buddhahood is within reach because, like the Buddha, you’re a human being. You can become a buddha whenever you like; the Buddha is available in the here and now, anytime, anywhere. When you are a part-time buddha, your romantic relationships may go well some of the time. When you are a full-time buddha, you can find a way to be present and happy in your relationship full-time, no matter what difficulties arise.

Becoming a buddha is not so difficult. A buddha is someone who is enlightened, capable of loving and forgiving. You know that at times you’re like that. So enjoy being a buddha. When you sit, allow the buddha in you to sit. When you walk, allow the buddha in you to walk. Enjoy your practice. If you don’t become a buddha, who will?

Every single person contains the seeds of goodness, kindness, and enlightenment. We all have the seed of buddhanature. To give the buddha in you a chance to manifest both in yourself and your loved ones, you have to water those seeds. When we act as if people have these seeds inside them, it gives us and them the strength and energy to help these seeds grow and flower. If we act as if we don’t believe in our inherent goodness, we blame others for our suffering and we lose our happiness.

You can use the goodness in yourself to transform your suffering and the tendency to be angry, cruel, and afraid. But you don’t want to throw your suffering away because you can use it. Your suffering is compost that gives you the understanding to nourish your happiness and the happiness of your loved one.

Two Gardens

You have two gardens: your own garden and that of your beloved. First, you have to take care of your own garden and master the art of gardening. In each one of us there are flowers and there is also garbage. The garbage is the anger, fear, discrimination, and jealousy within us. If you water the garbage, you will strengthen the negative seeds. If you water the flowers of compassion, understanding, and love, you will strengthen the positive seeds. What you grow is up to you.
If you don’t know how to practice selective watering in your own garden, then you won’t have enough wisdom to help water the flowers in the garden of your beloved. In cultivating your own garden well, you also help to cultivate her or his garden. Even a week of practice can make a big difference. You are more than intelligent enough to do the work. You need to take your situation in hand and not allow it to get out of control. You can do it. Every time you practice walking mindfully, investing your mind and body in every step, you are taking your situation in hand. Every time you breathe in and know you are breathing in, every time you breathe out and smile to your out-breath, you are yourself, you are your own master, and you are the gardener in your own garden. We are relying on you to take good care of your garden, so that you can help your beloved to take care of hers.

When you have succeeded with yourself and with your beloved, you become a sangha—a community of two people—and now you can be a refuge for a third person, and then for a fourth, and so on. In this way, the sangha will grow. There is mutual understanding between you and your beloved. When mutual understanding is there and communication is good, then happiness is possible, and the two of you can become a refuge for others.

If you have a difficult relationship, and you want to make peace with the other person, you have to go home to yourself. You have to go home to your garden and cultivate the flowers of peace, compassion, understanding, and joy. Only after that can you come to your partner and be patient and compassionate.

When we marry or commit to another person, we make a promise to grow together, sharing the fruit and progress of practice. It is our responsibility to take care of each other. Every time the other person does something in the direction of change and growth, we should show our appreciation.

If you have been together with your partner for some years, you may have the impression that you know everything about this person, but it’s not so. Scientists can study a speck of dust for years, and they still don’t claim to understand everything about it. If a speck of dust is that complex, how can you know everything about another person? Your partner needs your attention and your watering of his or her positive seeds. Without that attention, your relationship will wither.

We have to learn the art of creating happiness. If during your childhood, you saw your parents do things that created happiness in the family, you already know what to do. But many of us didn’t have these role models and don’t know what to do. The problem is not one of being wrong or right, but one of being more or less skillful. Living together is an art. Even with a lot of goodwill, you can still make the other person very unhappy. The substance of the art of making others happy is mindfulness. When you are mindful, you are more artful.

You and your partner each have a garden to water, but the two gardens are connected. We have two hands and we have names for them: right hand and left hand. Have you ever seen the two hands fighting each other? I have never seen this. Every time my finger gets hurt, I notice that my right hand comes naturally to help my left hand. So there must be something like love in the body. 

Sometimes they help each other, sometimes they each act separately, but they have never fought.

My right hand invites the bell, writes books, does calligraphy, and pours tea. But my right hand doesn’t seem to be proud of it. It doesn’t look down on the left hand to say, “Oh left hand, you are good for nothing. All the poems, I wrote them. All the calligraphy in German, French, and English—I’ve done it all. You are useless. You are good for nothing.” The right hand has never suffered from the complex of pride. The left hand has never suffered from the complex of unworthiness. It’s wonderful.

When the right hand has a problem, the left hand comes right away. The right hand never says, “You have to pay me back. I always come to help you. You owe me.”

When you can see your partner as not separate from you, not better or worse or even equal to you, then you have the wisdom of nondiscrimination. We see the happiness of others as our happiness. Their suffering is our suffering.

Look into your hand. The fingers are like five brothers and sisters from the same family. Suppose we are a family of five. If you remember that if one person suffers, you all suffer, you have the wisdom of nondiscrimination. If the other person is happy, you are also happy. Happiness is not an individual matter.

Our goal in practicing mindfulness and the deepest gift it can bring us is the wisdom of nondiscrimination. We are not noble by birth. We are noble only by virtue of the way we think, speak, and act. The person who practices true love has the wisdom of nondiscrimination and it informs all his actions. He doesn’t discriminate between himself and his partner or between his partner and all people. This person’s heart has grown large and his love knows no obstacles.

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Excerpted from Thich Nhat Hanh’s Introduction to “Love’s Garden: A Guide to Mindful Relationships,” by Peggy Rowe Ward and Larry Ward. © 2008 by Peggy Rowe Ward and Larry Ward. Introduction © 2008 by Unified Buddhist Church. With permission from Parallax Press, www.parallax.org.

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About Thich Nhat Hanh

Thich Nhat Hanh is a renowned Zen master and poet, and founder of the Engaged Buddhist movement. The author of more than forty books, he resides at practice centers in France and the U.S. Thich Nhat Hanh’s newest book is The World We Have: A Buddhist Approach to Peace and Ecology.