Reconciliation is a team effort.
—
I recently attended a conference for dads and, in one session, a man
described a bitter divorce, resulting in him losing all contact with his
young daughter, now 26-years-old. He expressed the pain and
powerlessness of not being able to reconcile with her and of his
daughter’s refusal to connect with him in any way. Others in the session
found this difficult to comprehend and suggested he try again to
reconcile with her.
I understood some of the pain and powerlessness this man described.
Sometimes reconciliation is not possible. What do you do then?
- See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-ways-reconcile-unreconcilable-someone-bbab/#sthash.uAb80Uyc.dpuf
Reconciliation is a team effort.
—
I recently attended a conference for dads and, in one session, a man
described a bitter divorce, resulting in him losing all contact with his
young daughter, now 26-years-old. He expressed the pain and
powerlessness of not being able to reconcile with her and of his
daughter’s refusal to connect with him in any way. Others in the session
found this difficult to comprehend and suggested he try again to
reconcile with her.
I understood some of the pain and powerlessness this man described.
Sometimes reconciliation is not possible. What do you do then?
◊♦◊
In a previous
post I shared some details surrounding my divorce and a few of the lessons
I learned in the years after. I briefly mentioned that my ex-wife made
the decision to end all contact with me. This was very painful. She’d
been my best friend since I was a teen and now she was cut completely
from my life.
|
However, one must also come to accept the situation for what it is and realize what you are unable to change.
|
The loss of my best friend was difficult enough to deal with but as
the years passed, I began to understand myself more and to understand
some of the dynamics of our relationship and what contributed to the end
of our marriage. I regretted my failure to be a better husband.
Sometimes reconciliation is not possible.
I wanted to come to some kind of reconciliation with her but this was made impossible by her refusal to speak with me.
Over the years, I gradually came to understand that I could still reconcile the relationship within myself.
◊♦◊
If you are dealing with an irreconcilable someone or situation you
might find some peace by implementing the following five practices:
- Recognize and accept how you feel. There is nothing
wrong with feeling angry or upset about a situation. These feelings are
normal and appropriate. However, one must also come to accept the
situation for what it is and realize what you are unable to change.
You can change your response to the situation. Choose to focus on what
you can control.
- Change how you think about the other person. If
something triggers a negative thought do your best to quickly replace it
with a positive thought and memory. This will help with the next
point.
- Speak positively. Do your best to avoid saying negative things about the other person if they come up in conversation.
- Recognize and appreciate the other person’s positive qualities and strengths.
There are, in most cases, traits we can appreciate in another person
and it’s always best, regardless of the situation, to concentrate on
these.
- Offer up prayers or peaceful thoughts & wishes for the other person.
When you think about the person you are unable to reconcile with say a
brief prayer for him or her or express a wish for happiness.
Offering up well-wishes for the other person will also improve your
mood and prevent you from dwelling on frustrating and painful memories.
There are, in most cases, traits we can appreciate in another person
and it’s always best, regardless of the situation, to concentrate on
these.
Even if the other person refuses to participate in reconciliation you
can still come to some place of peace and reconciliation within
yourself.
Previously published on
STAND-Magazine
By Dwayne D. Hayes, Managing Editor
- See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-ways-reconcile-unreconcilable-someone-bbab/#sthash.uAb80Uyc.dpuf
If you are dealing with an irreconcilable someone
or situation you might find some peace by implementing the following five
practices:
- Recognize
and accept how you feel. There is nothing wrong with
feeling angry or upset about a situation. These feelings are normal and
appropriate. However, one must also come to accept the situation for
what it is and realize what you are unable to change.
You can change your response to the situation. Choose to focus
on what you can control.
- Change how
you think about the other person. If something triggers a
negative thought do your best to quickly replace it with a positive
thought and memory. This will help with the next point.
- Speak
positively. Do your best to avoid saying negative things
about the other person if they come up in conversation.
- Recognize
and appreciate the other person’s positive qualities and strengths. There
are, in most cases, traits we can appreciate in another person and
it’s always best, regardless of the situation, to concentrate on these.
- Offer up
prayers or peaceful thoughts & wishes for the other person.
When you
think about the person you are unable to reconcile with say a brief prayer
for him or her or express a wish for happiness.Offering up well-wishes for the other person will
also improve your mood and prevent you from dwelling on frustrating and painful
memories.
There are, in most cases, traits we can
appreciate in another person and it’s always best, regardless of the situation,
to concentrate on these.
Even if the other person refuses to participate in
reconciliation you can still come to some place of peace and reconciliation
within yourself.
By Dwayne D. Hayes, Managing Editor
Reconciliation is a team effort.
—
I recently attended a conference for dads and, in one session, a man
described a bitter divorce, resulting in him losing all contact with his
young daughter, now 26-years-old. He expressed the pain and
powerlessness of not being able to reconcile with her and of his
daughter’s refusal to connect with him in any way. Others in the session
found this difficult to comprehend and suggested he try again to
reconcile with her.
I understood some of the pain and powerlessness this man described.
Sometimes reconciliation is not possible. What do you do then?
◊♦◊
In a previous
post I shared some details surrounding my divorce and a few of the lessons
I learned in the years after. I briefly mentioned that my ex-wife made
the decision to end all contact with me. This was very painful. She’d
been my best friend since I was a teen and now she was cut completely
from my life.
|
However, one must also come to accept the situation for what it is and realize what you are unable to change.
|
The loss of my best friend was difficult enough to deal with but as
the years passed, I began to understand myself more and to understand
some of the dynamics of our relationship and what contributed to the end
of our marriage. I regretted my failure to be a better husband.
Sometimes reconciliation is not possible.
I wanted to come to some kind of reconciliation with her but this was made impossible by her refusal to speak with me.
Over the years, I gradually came to understand that I could still reconcile the relationship within myself.
◊♦◊
If you are dealing with an irreconcilable someone or situation you
might find some peace by implementing the following five practices:
- Recognize and accept how you feel. There is nothing
wrong with feeling angry or upset about a situation. These feelings are
normal and appropriate. However, one must also come to accept the
situation for what it is and realize what you are unable to change.
You can change your response to the situation. Choose to focus on what
you can control.
- Change how you think about the other person. If
something triggers a negative thought do your best to quickly replace it
with a positive thought and memory. This will help with the next
point.
- Speak positively. Do your best to avoid saying negative things about the other person if they come up in conversation.
- Recognize and appreciate the other person’s positive qualities and strengths.
There are, in most cases, traits we can appreciate in another person
and it’s always best, regardless of the situation, to concentrate on
these.
- Offer up prayers or peaceful thoughts & wishes for the other person.
When you think about the person you are unable to reconcile with say a
brief prayer for him or her or express a wish for happiness.
Offering up well-wishes for the other person will also improve your
mood and prevent you from dwelling on frustrating and painful memories.
There are, in most cases, traits we can appreciate in another person
and it’s always best, regardless of the situation, to concentrate on
these.
Even if the other person refuses to participate in reconciliation you
can still come to some place of peace and reconciliation within
yourself.
Previously published on
STAND-Magazine
By Dwayne D. Hayes, Managing Editor
- See more at: http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/5-ways-reconcile-unreconcilable-someone-bbab/#sthash.uAb80Uyc.dpuf
