Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Living: Abstaining from Misbehaving Among Sensual Pleasures

 

RIGHT LIVING Undertaking the Commitment to Abstain from Misbehaving Among Sensual Pleasures Sensual misconduct is unhealthy. Refraining from sensual misconduct is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning sensual misconduct, one abstains from misbehaving among sensual pleasures. (MN 41) One practices thus: "Others may engage in sensual misconduct, but I will abstain from sensual misconduct." (MN 8) A person reflects thus: "If someone were to commit adultery with my partner, that would not be pleasing and agreeable to me. Now if I were to commit adultery with the partner of another, that would not be pleasing and agreeable to the other. How can I inflict on another what is displeasing and disagreeable to me?" Having reflected thus, one abstains from sexual misconduct, exhorts others to abstain from it, and speaks in praise of abstinence from it. (SN 55.7)

Reflection The practical definition of the precept against sexual misbehavior is defined in the context of householder or layperson life as fidelity or honesty in relationships. When an intimate partnership (of any gender combination) involves a mutual promise of exclusivity, this is to be respected. Cheating involves causing hurt and not being truthful, both of which are inherently unhealthy and harmful. Daily Practice Relationships are a rich area for daily practice. This text invites us to explore the application of the Golden Rule in relationships, in both large and small ways. It emphasizes that a pledge of fidelity works both ways and that there are also countless minor instances of abuse of trust and integrity that can come under the gaze of awareness. Look to see if there is anything you do, however small, that you would not want your partner to do. Tomorrow: Developing Unarisen Healthy States One week from today: Abstaining from Intoxication Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel Questions? Visit the Dhamma Wheel orientation page.

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There Is No Right Amount of Time to Sit
By Christina Feldman 

Contrary to what you might believe, there is no perfect sitting time when it comes to building a personal practice. Here, Christina Feldman explains why.

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Via Daily Dharma: Learning to Forgive

 Learning to forgive takes time, sometimes years. So be patient as you weave a little forgiveness into your daily routine as a way of strengthening your capacity to forgive.

Mark Coleman, “Why Are We So Hard on Ourselves?”

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Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Action: Reflecting upon Mental Action

 

RIGHT ACTION Reflecting Upon Mental Action However the seed is planted, in that way the fruit is gathered. Good things come from doing good deeds; bad things come from doing bad deeds. (SN 11.10) What is the purpose of a mirror? For the purpose of reflection. So too mental action is to be done with repeated reflection. (MN 61) When you are doing an action with the mind, reflect on that same mental action thus: "Does this action I am doing with the mind lead to my own affliction?" If, on reflection, you know that it does, then stop doing it; if you know that it does not, then continue. (MN 61)

Reflection The body has a natural capacity for proprioception, for knowing what it is doing as it is doing it. What about the mind? How often do we know what we are thinking as we are thinking it? Not often, it appears. Mindfulness of the body is being aware of the body while breathing, for example. Mindfulness of mind is being aware of the activities of the mind as they are unfolding. This takes some getting used to, but it can be done. Daily Practice This particular text is encouraging us to notice the ethical quality of our mental activity and in particular whether it contributes to some sort of self-harm. Sometimes we are our own worst critic, our own most undermining voice, our own adversary. When we pay close attention to what the mind is doing, we can catch it in the act of hurting us and gently let go of that in order to point the mind in a more positive direction. Tomorrow: Abstaining from Misbehaving Among Sensual Pleasures One week from today: Reflecting upon Social Action Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel Questions? Visit the Dhamma Wheel orientation page.

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Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Speech: Refraining from Harsh Speech

RIGHT SPEECH Refraining from Harsh Speech Harsh speech is unhealthy. Refraining from harsh speech is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning harsh speech, one refrains from harsh speech. One speaks words that are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, words that go to the heart, are courteous, and are agreeable to many. (DN 1) One practices thus: "Others may speak harshly, but I shall abstain from harsh speech." (MN 8) When one says: "All those engaged in the pursuit of the enjoyment of sensual pleasures have entered the wrong way," one thus disparages some. But when one says instead, "The pursuit of the enjoyment of sensual pleasures is a state beset by suffering, and it is the wrong way," then one is not disparaging anyone but simply stating the truth. (MN 139)

Reflection Right speech does not mean always telling people what they want to hear. Often difficult truths need to be spoken, but there are skillful and unskillful ways of doing this. In this passage we are instructed on the implications of invoking the sense of self. Instead of disparaging others by using an agent noun ("They are such a liar"), simply speak the truth by pointing out their actions (“They have told a lie”) rather than rebuking the self.  Daily Practice Practice critiquing the words or actions of a person rather than the person. Instead of calling a person rude, point out the rude thing they have said or done. It is a small but important distinction. Whenever people feel attacked, it brings out the tendency to counterattack. When their actions are called out instead, it leaves them room to change their behavior. Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Mental Action One week from today: Refraining from Frivolous Speech Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel Questions? Visit the Dhamma Wheel orientation page.

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Via Daily Dharma: Unwinding the Mind

Since your mind is with you wherever you go, you need to sit down and start unwinding your ball of yarn. 

Jakusho Kwong-roshi, “Emptying into Spaciousness”

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Via Ram Dass - Love Serve Remember Foundation // Words of Wisdom - January 11, 2023 💌

 
 

It’s interesting to observe your own reaction when change presents itself in life.   

It may be economic change in your circumstances, it may be a change in the way you spend your life. A lot of people, as their children grow, have an opportunity to change their lives, but they have such strong habits in how they’ve always done things and who they’ve always been, that they get frightened at the freedom to change when an opportunity presents itself.    

Up until now, they justified their existence by what their karma commitments are; “I have to be this way,” and I would say that doesn’t have to be the case. They don’t have to wait for their kids to grow up, because that waiting becomes their daily routine.    

How much of who I was yesterday is defining who I am today? How much can I allow who I am today to be totally open and tuning and responding to the situation, which includes everything I was yesterday, but also all that I will be tomorrow?    

And you learn to have less certainty about what the future holds, of who you’ll be when you grow up, or how it will all come out. Because when I look at my life now, there is nothing – 25 years ago, 30 years ago, 40 years ago, 50 years ago – everything I thought about who I was and how it would come out had no similarity at all to the way it is.    

Who I am now hardly recognizes who that was. Who was absolutely sure he would be around all the way through. Who he was at Harvard would have hospitalized who I am now. And who I am now feels great compassion for who he was then. I doubt if we’d be much of friends. We would have very little business with one another. He would be very judgmental of me, which would be very poignant.    

So I have learned since I have gone through so many transformations of who I know myself to be and how it is, that I must assume that those will continue. There’s no reason to assume they won’t, although they may not. Because I can’t know that. So I’m not planning to continue to be who I am forever. It will keep changing.    

- Ram Dass -

Via Academia // "Paradigms of Same-Sex Marriage in the Long Eighteenth Century" by Rictor Norton

 

Via Tricycle Meditation Month

 

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Day 11 What are you learning about how your mind works? What calms and settles your mind? What scatters it?   See all of our Meditation Month offerings »

Thinking About Thinking By Wes Nisker Try these three exercises for investigating the nature of your mind and working with thoughts. Read more »

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Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Intention: Cultivating Appreciative Joy

 

RIGHT INTENTION Cultivating Appreciative Joy Whatever you intend, whatever you plan, and whatever you have a tendency toward will become the basis on which your mind is established. (SN 12.40) Develop meditation on appreciative joy, for when you develop meditation on appreciative joy, any discontent will be abandoned. (MN 62)  The characteristic of appreciative joy is gladdening produced by the success of others. (Vm 9.93)

Reflection Appreciative joy is the neglected brahma-vihara, or sublime state of mind, less well known than its siblings lovingkindness, compassion, and equanimity. As we see from this definition, it serves as an antidote to discontent. When feeling good about someone else, you cannot at the same time feel bad about yourself. While feeling joy in appreciation of the good fortune of others might feel forced at first, it can gradually become a habit of mind.  Daily Practice Look for opportunities to notice when good things are happening to other people and extend good wishes to those people rather than jealousy or resentment. Celebrate the good fortune of even strangers and be happy for them. Joy and gladness are both rare and precious, and celebrating others' good fortune is an easy way to access those feelings on a regular basis. Even if things are not going well for you, you can share in the happiness of others. Try it and see for yourself. Tomorrow: Refraining from Harsh Speech One week from today: Cultivating Equanimity Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel Questions? Visit the Dhamma Wheel orientation page.

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Via Daily Dharma: Grief and Gratitude

 We need both the immense beauty and gratitude for blessings in life to keep us afloat, and the deep sadness and grief to urge us to action. 

Oren Jay Sofer, “Why We Need Both Grief and Gratitude”

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