A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
Harsh speech is unhealthy.
Refraining from harsh speech is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning harsh speech,
one refrains from harsh speech. One speaks words that are gentle,
pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, words that go to the heart, are
courteous, and are agreeable to many. (DN 1) One practices thus: "Others
may speak harshly, but I shall abstain from harsh speech." (MN 8)
When one says: "All those engaged in the pursuit of the enjoyment of
sensual pleasures have entered the wrong way," one thus disparages some.
But when one says instead, "The pursuit of the enjoyment of sensual
pleasures is a state beset by suffering, and it is the wrong way," then
one is not disparaging anyone but simply stating the truth. (MN 139)
Reflection
Right speech
does not mean always telling people what they want to hear. Often
difficult truths need to be spoken, but there are skillful and
unskillful ways of doing this. In this passage we are instructed on the
implications of invoking the sense of self. Instead of disparaging
others by using an agent noun ("They are such a liar"), simply speak the
truth by pointing out their actions (“They have told a lie”) rather
than rebuking the self.
Daily Practice
Practice
critiquing the words or actions of a person rather than the person.
Instead of calling a person rude, point out the rude thing they have
said or done. It is a small but important distinction. Whenever people
feel attacked, it brings out the tendency to counterattack. When their
actions are called out instead, it leaves them room to change their
behavior.
Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Mental Action One week from today: Refraining from Frivolous Speech
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Our
feelings, emotions, and experiences—good, bad, or neutral—are genuine
and a part of who we are. We won’t grow, transform, and awaken by
running away from them; it is by embracing who we are that we awaken.
Mark Herrick, “Reflecting on Faith and Understanding in the Wealthy Man and His Poor Son”
Whatever you intend,
whatever you plan, and whatever you have a tendency toward will become
the basis on which your mind is established. (SN 12.40) Develop
meditation on appreciative joy, for when you develop meditation on
appreciative joy, any discontent will be abandoned. (MN 62)
The characteristic of appreciative joy is gladdening produced by the success of others. (Vm 9.93)
Reflection
Appreciative joy is the neglected brahma-vihara,
or sublime state of mind, less well known than its siblings
lovingkindness, compassion, and equanimity. As we see from this
definition, it serves as an antidote to discontent. When feeling good
about someone else, you cannot at the same time feel bad about yourself.
While feeling joy in appreciation of the good fortune of others might
feel forced at first, it can gradually become a habit of mind.
Daily Practice
Look for
opportunities to notice when good things are happening to other people
and extend good wishes to those people rather than jealousy or
resentment. Celebrate the good fortune of even strangers and be happy
for them. Joy and gladness are both rare and precious, and celebrating
others' good fortune is an easy way to access those feelings on a
regular basis. Even if things are not going well for you, you can share
in the happiness of others. Try it and see for yourself.
Tomorrow: Refraining from Harsh Speech One week from today: Cultivating Equanimity
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