A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
Jealousy, or envy, is a familiar feeling for most of us, even though we might not admit to it so easily. Described as “ubiquitous and invisible” in the Fall 2015 issue of Tricycle
magazine, jealousy is so common that it would appear to be something
readily discussed, but because it is often tinged with shame, it usually
goes unspoken.
Meditation teacher, psychotherapist, and hypnotherapist Mindy Newman
explores the guilt or shame often associated with jealousy in the latest issue of Tricycle.
She finds that the antidote to this ubiquitous but invisible emotion is
empathetic joy, one of the four sublime states, also known as the brahmaviharas or four immeasurables.
To embody empathetic joy, she says, we must start by recognizing and owning up to jealousy
in ourselves. While it may be painful, this first step alone creates
space from the afflictive emotion, and the necessary foundation to move
away from it. Eventually, shame can drop away and the roots of jealousy
may become clear. As we rejoice in the happiness and achievements of
others, their gains become ours, too.
This week’s Three Teachings presents practices for cultivating empathetic joy and appreciation as an antidote to jealousy.
Meditation
teacher, psychotherapist, and hypnotherapist Mindy Newman offers a
step-by-step guide to finding authentic empathetic joy, including
practical and meaningful advice, like focusing on your feelings instead
of the object of your jealousy. She also shares a meditation practice
for going deeper.
Meditation
teacher Scott Tusa shares a practice for cultivating boundless
joyfulness, which he describes as a great antidote to jealousy, in the
fourth video of his four-part Dharma Talk on opening your heart
Former
minister of the Buddhist Temple of Chicago Reverend Patti Nakai
reflects on the power of appreciating our own lives, including the
inevitable suffering, and what we already have, in the face of jealousy.
However the seed is
planted, in that way the fruit is gathered. Good things come from doing
good deeds; bad things come from doing bad deeds. (SN 11.10) What is the
purpose of a mirror? For the purpose of reflection. So too verbal
action is to be done with repeated reflection: (MN 61)
When you wish to do an action with speech, reflect upon that same verbal
action thus: “Is this action I wish to do with speech an unhealthy
verbal action with painful consequences and painful results?” If, upon
reflection, you know that it is, then do not do it; if you know that it
is not, then proceed. (MN 61)
Reflection
What we say has
its origin in intention, the set of our mind as we speak. It is
intention that initiates action of body, speech, and mind. Intention can
be conscious or unconscious. Sometimes we know exactly what we want to
say and say it, but much of the time words just pour out, apparently on
their own. We are encouraged here to be consciously aware of our speech
and to actively monitor its effect on others.
Daily Practice
The practice
here is not so much to monitor the content of your speech as to attend
carefully to your attitude of heart and mind as you are about to say
something. You may say something accurately, but if it comes with a
tinge of judgment or dismissal or disrespect, then it is likely to have a
harmful effect. Speak what is true, and do so with an attitude of
kindness or equanimity, guarding against aversion and hate.
Tomorrow: Abstaining from Taking What is Not Given One week from today: Reflecting upon Mental Action
Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel
‘Don’t Miss Your Life’ Ann Tashi Slater in conversation with Sylvia Boorstein
Ann
Tashi Slater speaks with Spirit Rock cofounder Sylvia Boorstein about
losing those you love, the bardos of old age, and the daily practice of
dwelling in the moment.
August’s film is available now!
“I Leave Home,” directed by Sunghwan Kim is a heartwarming drama that
follows a man yearning to become a Buddhist monk and the obstacles he is
met with along the way.
Malicious speech is
unhealthy. Refraining from malicious speech is healthy. (MN 9)
Abandoning malicious speech, one refrains from malicious speech. One
does not repeat there what one has heard here to the detriment of these,
or repeat here what he has heard there to the detriment of those. One
unites those who are divided, is a promoter of friendships, and speaks
words that promote concord. (DN 1) One practices thus: “Others may speak
maliciously, but I shall abstain from malicious speech.” (MN 8)
Disputes occur when a person adheres to their own views, holds onto them
tenaciously, and relinquishes them with difficulty. Such a person
dwells disrespectful and undeferential toward others, causing harm and
unhappiness for many. If you see any such root of a dispute either in
yourself or externally, you should strive to abandon it. And if you do
not see any such root of dispute either in yourself or externally, you
should practice in such a way that it does not erupt in the future. (MN
104)
Reflection
If you look
around you will easily see that so many of the disputes taking place in
the world are rooted in the human tendency to become attached to views
and opinions. It is natural for people to disagree, but it is neither
necessary nor inevitable for them to argue about it. Views are learned
ways of organizing our understanding of the world, and when held lightly
they are beneficial, but they can easily become a source of trouble.
Daily Practice
Notice when you
see people attached to their views, when they are holding on to them
tenaciously, and when they relinquish them with difficulty. Next, notice
when you do these things yourself. Try looking at things from different
points of view, if only to train your own mind to become more agile and
avoid getting locked in to particular perspectives. Notice how many
things can be seen from many different points of view.
Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Verbal Action One week from today: Refraining from Harsh Speech
Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media #DhammaWheel