I,
personally, am tired of folks hiding behind Christianity in this
on-going marriage battle, and standing up for "Biblical Marriage." If
these folks want a Biblical marriage, then let's make Biblical marriage
the law of the land.....but....let's make sure we know what Biblical
marriage IS.....For more than half my li
fe,
I've been a wedding coordinator, helping men and women plan the
ceremonies that will bind them for life. One of the things that I ask
my couples is, "What readings or scriptures do you want read in the
service?"
Someone invariably mentions 1st Corinthians 13, the
famous "Love Chapter." Love is patient, love is kind, love never
insists on its own way and so forth. Wonderful advice for marriage, but
Paul was not talking about marriage. He was addressing a church fight:
the believers in Corinth had split into factions and were competing for
prestige and influence. We see echoes of this conflict throughout the
letter, but especially in chapters 12 and 14, which surround this
passage.
Others want the passage from Ruth: "Where you go, I
will go; where you lodge, I will lodge; your people shall be my people,
and your God my God" Another moving passage, but it's certainly not
about marriage. Ruth addresses this moving speech to her mother-in-law
Naomi: from one woman to another. Isn't THAT interesting???
And then, the second creation story in Genesis comes up: (Yes, there are
TWO creation stories): "Therefore a man leaves his father and his
mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh" (Genesis
2:24). This passage is certainly appropriate to marriage, as it reflects
the level of intimacy and commitment that distinguishes marriage from
other relationships. Jesus quotes this passage, too, in Matthew and
Mark, but he isn't exactly discussing marriage. Instead, Jesus' topic
is divorce, and when ministers read these Gospel passages at weddings,
as they often do, the message seems a little off. I'd rather not hear
about divorce at a wedding.
One other passage frequently surfaces
in weddings but rarely in mainline Protestant Churches. This passage
has become part of the traditional wedding vows that most people today
leave out. The part about wives should obey their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22-33 commands wives to obey their husbands and husbands to
love their wives. Conservative Christians may try to explain away the
offense of this passage, but there's no escaping its ugly reality.
Ephesians calls wives to submit to their husbands just as children must
obey their parents and slaves must obey their masters.
The
point is, Christian weddings rarely feature passages that directly
relate to marriage. Only one passage, Genesis 2:24, seems especially
relevant, while other passages require us to bend their content to our
desire to hear a good word about marriage. Things are so bad that the
worship books for many denominations turn to John 2:11, where Jesus
turns water into wine at a wedding feast, to claim that Jesus blessed
marriage.
Yes, he turned water into wine at that wedding. But
we must remember the circumstances: His mother, Mary, went to Him for
help because the hosts had run out of wine. He told her that "It is not
my time." But in the way of all mothers, she continued asking, and
like a good Son, he did something for His mother. Jesus' first miracle
wasn't to bless a wedding, but done as a favor for his mother. People
think that Jesus blessed marriage because he attended a wedding. That's
the best we can do? No wonder it's common for couples to struggle over
the choice of Scripture for their wedding ceremonies. The Bible just
doesn't have much to say on the topic.
The only thing Jesus
really DID say about marriage was, "What therefore God hath joined
together, let not man put asunder." (Matthew 19:6) Divorce, was sin in
Jesus' eyes. The only exception in which Jesus permits divorce is when
adultery has already corrupted the marriage.
Moreover Jesus
condemns all remarriage after divorce as adultery. Nor does He speak of
remarriage as a one-time act of adultery, but of the ongoing
relationship as adultery.
Let's be honest, unfortunately, many
Christians use the Bible to support their own prejudices and bigotry.
They talk about "biblical family values" as if the Bible had a clear
message on marriage and sexuality. Let's be clear: There's no such thing
as "biblical family values" because the Bible does not speak to the
topic clearly and consistently.
Let's not even go into some of the Bible's most interesting marriages. We won't talk about the fact that
Lamech had two wives - Genesis 4:19.
Esau had three wives - Genesis 26:34 & 28:9.
Jacob had four wives - Genesis 29:28 & 30:4-9.
Gideon had many wives - Judges 8:30.
Abijah had 14 wives - II Chronicles 13:21. and the list goes on.....
Nor will we talk about some of the Bibles most chilling teachings
regarding marriage, such as a man's obligation to keep a new wife who
displeases him on the wedding night (Deuteronomy 22:13-21), his
obligation to marry a woman he has raped (Deuteronomy 22:28-30) or the
unquestioned right of heroes like Abraham to exploit their slaves
sexually. I wonder: Have the "biblical family values advocates" actually
read their Bibles?
In Biblical times, a wife was regarded as
chattel, belonging to her husband; the descriptions in the Bible
suggest that she would be expected to perform tasks such as spinning,
sewing, weaving, manufacture of clothing, fetching of water, baking of
bread, and animal husbandry. However, wives were usually looked after
with care, and men with more than one wife were expected to ensure that
they continued to give the first wife food, clothing, and marital
rights.[Ex 21:10]
Since a wife was regarded as property, her husband
was originally free to divorce her for any reason, at any time. A
divorced couple were permitted to get back together, unless the wife had
married someone else after her divorce.[Deut 24:2–4
Betrothal
(erusin), which is merely a binding promise to get married, like
engagement, is distinct from marriage itself (nissu'in), with the time
between these events varying substantially. Since a wife was regarded
as property in those days, the betrothal (erusin) was effected simply by
purchasing her from her father (or guardian) and the girl’s consent is
not explicitly required by any biblical law.
It's high time people came clean about how we use the Bible.
