September 26, 2024
A Pathway to Empathy for Ourselves and Others
Not-self (anatman),
one of Buddhism’s three marks of existence, tells us that there is no
unchanging, permanent self. No one has a fixed or independent identity.
Rather, each of us is a result of causes and conditions, and what we may
think of as a solid self is constantly changing and interdependent on
these similarly ever-changing causes and conditions. We exist in
relation to everything and everyone around us. From this Buddhist
perspective, we don’t have relationships; we are relationships.
Acknowledging dependence on others may be uncomfortable for some, but as psychoanalyst and Zen teacher Barry Magid says,
by opening up to others and accepting our reliance on them, we open up
to ourselves. Vulnerability invites us to hold space for emotions and
truths, even difficult ones, that arise within us.
Counterintuitive as it may seem, vulnerability, Magid says, is freeing.
“As long as we are afraid of feeling vulnerable, our defenses will kick
in to try to get life under control, to manipulate ourselves or other
people. But instead of either controlling or sequestering our feelings,
we can learn to both contain and feel them fully.”
As meditation teacher and author Tara Brach points out, we are all
vulnerable, and embracing this “shared vulnerability” breaks down
unnecessary walls. Ultimately, it gives rise to compassion.
This week’s Three Teachings welcomes vulnerability in life and practice, with each other and with ourselves.
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