When I was in college I met my first love in Paris and he moved to Boston to be with me. It was a nightmare because he couldn’t work, we constantly struggled with visa issues, and with time, it was too much to handle and we separated, young hearts broken. I swore no more international boyfriends! Of course, I met a guy from Montreal and that too ended, but years ago.
And then I met Giovanni. I was much older and long-single, so I
didn’t say no. And at first, it was casual and I didn’t really think
about him being Colombian. I first really felt it when I went to Africa
and he stood by me every day from home, but he couldn’t come to my
graduation. He couldn’t fly or leave the country.
I came back and
we moved in together. I started to see him talk to his family back
home, and hear how being apart for 17 years broke his heart, especially
when his dad got sick. His pain was too much to bear. So for him, for
us, I took on marriage equality in NYC.
My focus was on
the Equality Bill - but I was determined to free him, so I added this
to my plate. I took on immigration reform too. We had two pathways to
freedom from DOMA. The Supreme Court. Or Congress via Comprehensive
Immigration Reform. I couldn’t affect SCOTUS, although I did resort to
prayer, organizing a sunrise prayer service in D.C. the morning of the
hearings.
But I worked
deep in the trenches in immigration reform. There I learned that
straight immigrants suffer the same horrible fear and closet that gay
people do. Who knew. And bringing gay relationships in to that forum
with the Catholic Church & Evangelicals in the room was hard stuff.
Fortunately,
the SCOTUS came through on Wednesday, June 26, 2013. And on the
following Sunday, NYC Pride Day, Giovanni and I got married and paraded
down 5th Avenue with the sign “Just Married Today” — as the liberation
joy of millions poured forth. It was incredible and our faces hurt from
smiling.
Then came the
immigration process, extremely stressful and frightening as we revealed
our lives. But we got through that process. And the boot lifted. He
flew home finally. Although we were afraid he might not actually get
back in. He flew home again. Okay. Relief. We got his social
security number - a huge deal. Health insurance. He could join our
apartment lease. We finally got on a plane together and had our
honeymoon in his country.
But most of all
we were free. Free from watching other people get married when we
couldn’t. Free from feeling like a second class citizen in my own
country. Free from all the heart-wrenching stories from other
bi-national couples with whom we are forever bonded.
Amidst all of this, there was one incredibly painful and also happy day I’ve not talked about.
Two years
before DOMA was overturned we won Marriage Equality in NY. Soon there
was a big gay wedding day at the marriage bureau when they opened just
for us on a Sunday to issue licenses.
Seeing all the couples together was incredible. Marriage ceremonies going on all over. Old, young, all colors. Our tribe was on parade and it was beautiful.
Seeing all the couples together was incredible. Marriage ceremonies going on all over. Old, young, all colors. Our tribe was on parade and it was beautiful.
But I almost
didn’t go down because my heart was so heavy. We could still not marry.
DOMA remained. Our suffering remained. And a huge battle loomed
still ahead, an overwhelming battle in Congress or the Supreme Court to
overturn DOMA - a tall order.
But it’s gone now. DOMA is dead. We’re free & equal. And Hillary will make sure the SCOTUS keeps it that way.
Please protect
our “hard fought, hard won” progress, as Hillary rightfully calls it.
Protect Marriage Equality. Protect my marriage. My husband. Our lives
and freedom depend upon it.
#ForwardTogether #ProtectOurProgress #Hillary4President2016 #VoteEQUALITY
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