A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
Wednesday, October 16, 2024
Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Speech: Refraining from Harsh Speech
Harsh speech is unhealthy.
Refraining from harsh speech is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning harsh speech,
one refrains from harsh speech. One speaks words that are gentle,
pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, words that go to the heart, are
courteous, and are agreeable to many. (DN 1) One practices thus: “Others
may speak harshly, but I shall abstain from harsh speech.” (MN 8)
It is a mistake to return anger with anger. Not giving anger for anger,
one wins a double victory. One behaves for the good of both oneself and
the other person. Knowing well the other’s anger, be mindful and remain
calm. In this way you are healing both yourself and the other person.
(SN 11.14)
Reflection
This call for
calm in the face of anger is timeless—and timely. Anger can be an
effective emotion, but it is also toxic. Not only can things escalate
and get seriously out of hand when you return anger with anger, but
cultivating anger has a corrosive effect on your own heart and mind. If
you regard the angry person as caught up by a hostile force, you can
feel compassion for them rather than anger. This contributes to healing
both of you.
Daily Practice
Make a point of
remaining calm when someone else is angry and see what it feels like.
You may feel the impulse to get angry in return, but you can recognize
that this is an impulse you can abandon when it arises. By not giving in
to anger when it is provoked by others, you are not only protecting
yourself from the harmful effects of the toxic emotion but also helping
the other person, who often, like you, is a victim of anger.
Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Mental Action One week from today: Refraining from Frivolous Speech
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