A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
Harsh speech is unhealthy. Refraining from harsh speech is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning harsh speech, one refrains from harsh speech. One speaks words that are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, words that go to the heart, are courteous, and are agreeable to many. (DN 1) One practices thus: “Others may speak harshly, but I shall abstain from harsh speech.” (MN 8)
The monks at Kosambi had taken to quarreling and brawling and were deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers. They could neither convince one another nor be convinced by others; they could neither persuade one another nor be persuaded by others. The Buddha then said to them: “What can you possibly know, what can you see, that you take to acting like this? It will lead to your harm and suffering for a long time.” (MN 48)
Reflection
This is such an incisive question: What can you possibly know or see to make you act like this? We think it must be something compelling for someone to turn against their own best interests and harm themselves. What higher purpose justifies this? These brawling and quarreling people were not only stabbing each other with verbal arrows, but by doing so they were also inflicting a lot of harm upon themselves.
Daily Practice
The next time you are engaged in an argument with someone, stop and look inward, examining your state of mind and body. Notice the physical tension and the harsh emotional attitude of the moment. Now ask yourself: Does the issue under dispute really require inflicting damage on myself? Can you feel the harm and suffering involved in such agitated and aversive emotional states? Let it go; you’ll be better off.
Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Mental Action One week from today: Refraining from Frivolous Speech
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The root of the problem lies in the way we deal with change. Most of us feel so insecure that we want to create a structure around us that makes us feel safe, and then we don't want it to change. Any change increases our uncertainty and our confusion and our inadequacy. And it frightens us.
Think of how bizarre that is, because you are a part of nature. Look out there and show me something that isn't changing. The nature of things is that they change, including us. Do you see how you're in a losing strategy if you pit yourself against change? See, it's a losing game.
