A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
A deeply painful emotion, shame can feel impossible to overcome, especially given the tendency to bury it where no one can see it—not even ourselves. But the Buddha taught that shame can be humbling and inspiring if we resist identifying with it and observe it for what it is: self-protection in response to causes and conditions.
Soto Zen teacher Koshin Paley Ellison calls positive shame healthy embarrassment, and says it’s an important part of the Buddhist path. Looking closely and examining the root of shame not only diminishes its influence but also helps us move forward.
This willingness to dig into the roots of our shame also helps us meet it with compassion.
“Sometimes our beliefs about ourselves get so ingrained that they block us from seeing anything else that’s there, and we spend years trying to get away from it. The real story is much bigger than we know,” says writer Daisy Lin. “How can we bring tenderness to that story, and start dissolving the false stories we’re telling ourselves?”
This week’s Three Teachings offers three reflections on shame and how to work with it.
Satya Robyn explains that Pure Land Buddhism and the Internal Family Systems school of thought both encourage deep acceptance of who we are, flaws and all, and encourage us to meet shame with compassion.
Soto Zen teacher Koshin Paley Ellison reflects on the relief of admitting to shame and reminds us that shame, which keeps us locked in old thought patterns, is very different from healthy embarrassment, which can be fertile and generative.
Reflecting on a moment when her grandmother had a medical emergency, writer Daisy Lin uncovers a deeper truth from a time about which she once held great shame.
RIGHT EFFORT Restraining Unarisen Unhealthy States
Whatever a person frequently thinks about and ponders, that will become the inclination of their mind. If one frequently thinks about and ponders unhealthy states, one has abandoned healthy states to cultivate unhealthy states, and then one’s mind inclines to unhealthy states. (MN 19)
Here a person rouses the will, makes an effort, stirs up energy, exerts the mind, and strives to restrain the arising of unarisen unhealthy mental states. One restrains the arising of the unarisen hindrance of ill will. (MN 141)
Reflection
We all have the capacity for unhealthy states. This capacity was eliminated by the Buddha under the Bodhi tree, his awakening being largely defined as dismantling the mechanism by which such states as anger, jealousy, hatred, and cruelty arise. Pulled up by the roots, they can no longer occur. But for the rest of us, the issue is more about managing these states than vanquishing them, and this requires restraint.
Daily Practice
Restraining the arising of unhealthy mental and emotional states that lie dormant in the unconscious mind but have not had occasion to erupt into consciousness is an important practice. We learn to position ourselves and hold ourselves in ways that do not encourage these states to arise. If you do not ruminate about people treating you badly, for example, you will not be likely to feel ill will or hatred toward them.
Tomorrow: Establishing Mindfulness of Body and Abiding in the First Jhāna One week from today: Abandoning Arisen Unhealthy States
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