What does it mean to live with an undefended heart?
Here Mary Stancavage’s explores the profound practice of living what she has been investigating for years. She begins by acknowledging that we all build emotional armor as a response to pain and suffering, often unconsciously, to protect ourselves from further hurt. This armor manifests as fixed views, fear, judgment, perfectionism, and numbing behaviors, which ultimately isolate us and prevent authentic connection.
Mary emphasizes that this defensive stance is a denial of reality and contributes to suffering, echoing the Buddha’s teachings about clinging and the second noble truth. She shares that meditation and mindful sitting helped her face and welcome difficult emotions—grief, anger, sadness—with kindness and openness, revealing that embracing these feelings gently can transform fear and alienation into freedom and connection.
Mary then outlines a practical and compassionate path toward chipping away at this armor using the Buddhist Eightfold Path as a safety net. Key practices include:
- Wise speech—saying what needs to be said even when it's hard
- Compassionate intention
- Non-harming that extends beyond mere avoidance to active kindness and generosity.
She distinguishes between healthy boundaries and defenses, cautioning against “idiot compassion” that allows others to abuse us. Mary also highlights the importance of remaining present with whatever arises in the moment without resistance, cultivating equanimity as a deep intimacy with reality as it is.
Mary concludes by inviting listeners to reflect on the challenges and joys of this lifelong journey, reminding us that an open heart is an act of resistance in a world full of suffering and injustice, and that through love, kindness, and presence, we participate in collective liberation and healing.
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Mary Stancavage has practiced meditation, yoga, and cultivated a spiritual practice for over 35 years and in 2009 was empowered to teach Buddhadharma. She teaches classes, retreats, coaches and mentors individuals and has facilitated several Year-to-Live groups. She has served as a volunteer hospital chaplain and been involved with leadership in several non-profit organizations over the years both in meditation and in the social justice arena. She is currently a member of the Guiding Teachers Council for Insight Community of the Desert, and is a Board Member of both Meditation Coalition and CLUE: Clergy and Laity United for Economic Justice.
For the last several years, Mary has investigated what it means to live with an undefended heart and more information on this can be found on her website, https://marystancavage.org. Fun fact: Mary has an MA from UCLA and spent several seasons working as an archaeologist in Syria
“Hey everybody, why are you busy making yourself separate? We are all one." — Ram Dass 
