A personal blog by a graying (mostly Anglo with light African-American roots) gay left leaning liberal progressive married college-educated Buddhist Baha'i BBC/NPR-listening Professor Emeritus now following the Dharma in Minas Gerais, Brasil.
Friday, March 6, 2026
Dhamma Wheel | Right Living: Abstaining from Misbehaving Among Sensual Pleasures
RIGHT LIVING Undertaking the Commitment to Abstain from Misbehaving Among Sensual Pleasures
Sensual misconduct is unhealthy. Refraining from sensual misconduct is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning sensual misconduct, one abstains from misbehaving among sensual pleasures. (MN 41) One practices thus: "Others may engage in sensual misconduct, but I will abstain from sensual misconduct." (MN 8)
Relationships are of two kinds: to be cultivated and not to be cultivated. Such relationships as cause, in one who cultivates them, unhealthy states to increase and healthy states to diminish, such relationships are not to be cultivated. But such relationships as cause, in one who cultivates them, unhealthy states to diminish and healthy states to increase, such relationships are to be cultivated. (MN 114)
Reflection
As with so many other aspects of our lives, the relationships we foster and the company we keep can be considered healthy or unhealthy, based on whether or not they help us see more clearly and whether they bring about more or less suffering. Since we influence one another so significantly, it is important for our own well-being to nurture healthy relationships and steer away from those that are unhealthy.
Daily Practice
See for yourself whether any particular relationship in your life is predominantly healthy or unhealthy. Do this not by some sort of conceptual analysis but by noticing whether states of yearning, resentment, and confusion increase or decrease when you are engaged with this person. Also note whether states of sharing, caring, and understanding increase or decrease. This is the actual measure of health or unhealth in relationships.
Tomorrow: Developing Unarisen Healthy States One week from today: Abstaining from Intoxication
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