November 20, 2025
Fertile Ground for Practice
As we head into the holiday season, many of us will be gathering with family, and inevitably revisiting old dynamics in the process. Spending time with family can be as much of a gift as it is a struggle—to manage different relationships, to stay measured amidst opposing viewpoints, and to keep from slipping into old habits and thought patterns. But all of these pitfalls make home—or wherever a family gathering occurs—fertile ground for practice. As meditation teacher Jack Kornfield says, “Family is one of the final frontiers of spiritual development.”
Buddhist wisdom calls upon upaya, or skillful means, in teaching moments to deliver information effectively, and the same concept can apply to spending time with family members, especially those with whom we disagree. Instead of trying to change minds, we can consider alternative actions that could make an impact, even an indirect one. “Though you can’t change someone’s mind, you may be able to affect the outcome of their choices, and help create conditions for everyone to flourish,” meditation teacher Kimberly Brown says. Practicing metta, or lovingkindness, even for those we dislike, is another effective way to prepare for, engage in, and recover from tricky family conversations or encounters.
Meditation teacher Bart van Melik suggests detaching from rigid roles, of the self and others, to help relieve the temptation to revert to former dynamics that we’d rather avoid. Even the simple act of observing a specific function we perform or ascribe to someone else can loosen that function’s hold and create space to think and act more freely, he says. Ultimately, familial relationships might be the greatest teacher of selflessness, so however difficult they can be at times, we can be grateful for the wisdom they impart.
This week’s Three Teachings offer guidance not just for surviving difficult family dynamics, but for making the most of them. | 
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