Equinox/Return
An excerpt from Mark Thompson’s Gay Spirit: Myth & Meaning
What Edward
Carpenter, Gerald Heard and Harry Hay recognized was the “new city of
Friends” described by Walt Whitman over a hundred years ago—a sustaining
place where “robust love” might thrive, a deep source of empowerment.
It has been a dream asserted by a few and glimpsed by others at crucial
points in our development. The early 1950s and 1970s were times when our
movement howled at the moon, briefly acknowledging that this dream
could be a reality. That this rude awakening represented something
instinctual, wildly alive, posed problems for our leaders. Here was
nature, woolly and cloven-hoofed, taking on unexpected form. Here were
luminous faces peering out on the edges of accepted reality. How
strangely familiar, too, for others to suppress what they do not
comprehend, to fear what they’ve been taught to distrust.
Power, status,
the hierarchy of who’s on top is the real currency of American culture,
and so many of our leaders have been seduced by it all. These are the
tactics of assimilation and they smell of panic. Thinking we have gained
so much, we have been led to settle for less than we can be.
There is a tyranny implicit in any label, and certainly the label of Gay
has now been revealed as much for its limitations as for its
liberations. Why not consider difference, whatever its reason, in terms
of function? The concept of a faerie shaman is just one idea that
indicates a purposeful role, beyond that of just political or sexual
identity. In times past and in many cultures, we often assumed the tasks
of the shamans—wise and creative ones—and were duly honored as such. If
we can but take gay beyond society’s definition—which we have internalized—and see ourselves as part of this function, our secret will be out.
I failed in my
father’s eyes, and he in mind, as, I suppose, it had been fated. More to
the point, few gay men ever seem to find complete acceptance from their
fathers. (And even tolerance, however honorable, cannot account for
true knowing.) Gay men have even less hope of being accepted by the
greater father, the world of our daily existence, which, despite
tolerant inroads, remains disapproving to its core. But neither can an
opposite reality—that is, the matriarchy—hold any more honest place for
us. Perhaps at one time, and according to the current feminist myth, the
dominant Great Mother societies of agrarian, pre-Judeo-Christian times
accepted gay men as welcomed sons. But I suspect, more likely, as
subservient sons, in contrast to the outlawed sons of our contemporary
age.
So gay men remain
suspended in a horrible dilemma. Both the matriarchy and the patriarchy
have, in effect, played themselves out; and the future, symbolized
through an historic union of the two—has yet to fully emerge. Gay male
consciousness remains stymied, unable to come of age. This is why so
much of recent gay-identified culture appears to lack deeper meaning;
however fresh and guileless its messages, empowered as it is by ritual
dance and sex and defiance against corrupt authority.
At what point do
gay boys stop finding favor in their father’s eyes? What stories are
withheld, what rites of manhood lost in that uncomprehending gaze? Now,
as gay men, we must begin by finding forgiveness in each other’s eyes,
seek favor in stories of our own telling — our own fairy tales, the
instructional fables we need to assume a mature and ever evolving gay
adulthood. And for this we need to reinvest in wonder.
By learning more
fully to evoke and to balance the powers of (what were once known as)
the Earth Mother and Father Sky, we can set into motion our own whiling
evolution as gay men beyond definition. We will no longer suffer from
the constraints of living on a fraction of a life. We will evidence
harmony as men who see clearly within and thus act cleanly without. We
can learn to revel in our perspective, as much as our preference, and we
don’t need a name. Our freedom is our responsibility. We simply need to
do our work.
But first we must
take the dark fantasies of our suppressed spirits out of their closets
into the powerful light of reality. We can have a vision, and, thus, a
culture to affirm, until one day perhaps our fathers will knowingly
proclaim: “I have one of those.”
Gay Spirit: Myth & Meaning is now available at www.gaywisdom.org www.whitecranebooks.org
