Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Via JMG: Updated Marriage Lawsuits Map
Via Tricycle Daily Dharma
Tricycle Daily Dharma February 12, 2014
Advice from an Experienced Meditator
We're
swamped with therapies, self-help books, and techniques—what musician
and activist Bob Geldof called ‘the thriving economy of
psychotherapists, designer religions, and spiritual boutiques’—which
treat our lives as projects to be tweaked and fixed. Isn't meditation
(if it's anything at all) a relief from all this? Isn't it the opposite
of repairing and adjusting and striving and perpetually wanting things
to be different?
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- Barry Evans, “The Myth of the Experienced Meditator”
Read the entire article in the Wisdom Collection through February 13, 2014
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Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Via FB: Being Baha’i and Gay
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Allah'u'abha! I am a 41 year-old third-generation Baha’i. I’m also gay. On the six-point Kinsey scale I eventually nailed myself as 4.5, which is at about the 75 percent mark across the scale (0 totally straight, 3 bisexual, and 6 totally homosexual). Sadly, this means to me that 75 percent or so of my sexual interest is devoted towards men. Woops, I am one, and people have a problem with that
I met a Baha’i recently who told me he had -- living in Seattle -- never even met a gay Baha’i, and so after some thought, I've decided to share a little of my journey from a man that has had homosexual feelings since before puberty, hated himself for them fiercely, and come out alive on the other side to write this.
Just a little background about me: like others in this country who went to school in the 1980s or prior, I was taught by American society that a man being attracted to men was considered morally wrong before I even knew to associate that concept with myself. When later I finally had accept in myself an innate attraction to other men, you can imagine the impact on my self-worth as I had to accept that my brand-new sex drive as a young man, such a part of any young man’s excitement when embarking towards manhood, was broken.
In high school I frequented libraries looking up with fierce -- but ultimately futile -- hopes that I would find evidence this hated trait was a phase I would grow out of or a condition that I could be cured of. Come to find out that curing doesn’t work, and overwhelmingly hurts those who try, increasing suicidal ideation when relapsing, and so forth.
“Okay,” I realized at some point, “So my unbidden but immovable homosexual desires are evil… gotcha. What did I do to be born evil again? Do I have to stay evil? Or can I just hide being evil and pretend to be good?” This latter means doing what gay men had done throughout the ages, hide it like crazy, deny it, have sex in secret, and marry a woman to really hide it? Sorry, to me that latter seems more evil than having sex with men.
I realize that to live with a man and have an emotional and sexual relationship with him _is_ a life choice and one forbidden in the Faith. I maintain that in my case, at least the attraction is _not_ a choice: who (in the 1980s, at least) would choose to be a kind of societal leper? Not I.
Sadly, sexuality is not changeable by human means, at least not at this time in history, and few of us have the spiritual capacity to just ignore our inner desires altogether. You can deprioritize sex and fantasies in your head to a degree, sure, but it’s always there in the background. And, because as far as you know you were born this way like myself -- that is, not molded in such fashion by molestation or other abusive means – you have to then transfer the hatred of the characteristic with yourself, because you have it.
So, over the years I did some reading, and successively found what I was looking for layer by layer. First I found that Shoghi Effendi interpreted Baha’u’llah’s law against pederasty as also against Baha’is having homosexual sex. I’ve talked to gay Baha’is or straight non-Baha'is that are interested in the Faith but can’t get past what they see to be a denial of human rights and bigoted.
But read further, and the Guardian also said if we’re to start sanctioning Baha’is who engage in homosexual sex, we’ll also have to start sanctioning Baha’is who have extramarital heterosexual sex and Baha’is who commit adultery, and he noted that at that time – which he called a “low water mark in spiritual history” – to engage in such sanctioning would be “ridiculous.”
Against Baha'i law as it is, seeing homosexual sex listed alongside extramarital heterosexual sex for the first time in my life in any context, and it makes perfect sense suddenly to me. How many do you know who married as a virgin? Not many? Me either. I can’t recall any, actually. Thinking about it, extramarital sex in this country is the norm, not the exception, and virgins are hard to find these days.
Is this, then, an indication that even if I do have sex with a man, that’s not so different than two heterosexuals having sex outside of marriage; against the law, certainly, but not such a huge deal I should -- or anyone should -- hate me for it? That sounds more right to me.
I'm clearer now that Baha’u’llah’s laws are to protect all mankind, world over, and to promote the betterment of the entire world. Looking at it, created as we were said to have been by God with love, out of love, to love him in return and serve your fellow mankind. It sounds more reasonable, then, that Baha'u'llah gave us these laws to avoid self-harm on our part; a sort of fence of guidelines that we're more than welcome to walk out of, but the path is likely gonna be rockier there. If these laws were, then, given to us as a loving parent gives rules to a beloved child that they don’t want to see get hurt, not random torments to suffer under.
Ultimately I know I have to choose a man or a woman, and know and accept that I am giving up something dear to me either way. Either I go against my sexual preference and try and find myself a female mate who’ll actually want me after being honest with her about my history and sexuality, or I will choose a good man, and in so doing lose the potential for a husband and wife family team, which I do see great value in for those capable, it’s clearly much harder to have biological babies for obvious reasons, and not least having to potentially deal with anti-gay bigotry that is not gone just because of legalized gay marriage. It'll go underground more, but it's not gone.
Thankfully, after this journey through Baha'i writings and my own conscience, soul, and moral compass, it’s finally becoming evident to my heart and mind that I am not defined solely or even mostly by my sexuality, not, at least, by Baha'u'llah. And as a man, gay or not, I need to love all of me, even the parts I may not like or understand -- because even those parts may prove to have hidden value. Would I be writing to you now this very personal facet of myself that will likely make at least one person who sees it here uncomfortable? No, I'm not a sadist. However, maybe I can help reach the next gay Baha'i I meet as disillusioned and self-loathing as I once was? Such is my hope.
My heart tells me that regardless of other people and their beliefs, God loves me unconditionally and wants the best for me, and the answer to my question is that no, I am no less of a man in Baha'u'llah's eyes, and He tells me that God would never promote hatred of any of His children for any reason, even for being gay. I thank God that not too late in life I can learn to see myself as a man, not as a “gay man” or as a “bi man” or including any another a stupid qualifier.
I’m James, I’m gay, I'm a Baha'i, and I'm doing the best I can.
Thanks for reading,
JHR
Via Tricycle Daily Dharma
Tricycle Daily Dharma February 11, 2014
Mindfulness of Breathing
As
we begin to practice mindfulness of breathing, we often see ourselves,
initially, as the breather, apart and separate from the breath itself.
The direction and development of the practice is eventually to bridge
this separation until our attention is absorbed fully into the breath.
The breath breathes itself, and we experience a place of deep calmness,
concentration, and ease. When we breathe, we just breathe.
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- Christina Feldman, “Receiving the Breath”
Read the entire article in the Wisdom Collection through February 12, 2014
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Monday, February 10, 2014
Via JMG: HomoQuotable - Frank Bruni
Labels: coming out, football, Frank Bruni, gay athletes, HomoQuotable, Michael Sam, New York Times, NFL, sports
Via JMG: College Football Star Comes Out, May Become First Openly Gay NFL Player
Coaches at the University of Missouri divided players into small groups at a preseason football practice last year for a team-building exercise. One by one, players were asked to talk about themselves — where they grew up, why they chose Missouri and what others might not know about them. As Michael Sam, a defensive lineman, began to speak, he balled up a piece of paper in his hands. “I’m gay,” he said. With that, Mr. Sam set himself on a path to become the first publicly gay player in the National Football League. “I looked in their eyes, and they just started shaking their heads — like, finally, he came out,” Mr. Sam said Sunday in an interview with The New York Times, the first time he spoke publicly about his sexual orientation.Sam has been forecast to be drafted in the early rounds and says he came out now because he knew rumors were circulating. Some of his teammates knew he had been dating a member of the Missouri swim team. Hit the link for the New York Times' video interview. UPDATE: Outsports has a behind-the-scenes look at Sam's coming out.
UPDATE II: More of the back story.
Sam was a defensive end for Mizzou Tigers of the University of Missouri. He graduated in December and is currently a highly-touted prospect in the National Football League (NFL) draft. He becomes the first publicly gay athlete in any of the Big 4 sports drafts. In interviews with The New York Times and ESPN tonight, the football player stated: "I am an openly, proud gay man." In December 2013, The Associated Press named him the SEC's Defensive Player of the Year. He was also selected as one of ten unanimous first-team all-Americans. He led the SEC in both sacks and tackles-for-loss and resides in the top 10 nationally in Division I in those categories.UPDATE III: Athlete Ally reacts via press release.
He is originally from Hitchcock, Texas. Sports journalist Cyd Zeigler stated to GLAAD: "Every NFL draft expert has Sam being selected in the first to fifth round of this year's NFL draft." Before his announcement, Michael Sam's publicist Howard Bragman introduced to him to athletes including openly gay former NFL players Dave Kopay and Wade Davis Jr., openly gay NBA player Jason Collins, openly gay former Major League Baseball player Billy Bean, as well as outspoken straight allies and former NFL players Brendan Ayanbadejo and Chris Kluwe. This is the fifth professional athlete that Bragman has taken out of the closet, along with more than a dozen celebrities.
“Michael has shown great courage in taking this step and not only do we support him, we are incredibly grateful. His decision to welcome us all into his world as he embarks upon a professional NFL career is an honorable one. This moment will resonate in a unique and important way for countless people, particularly LGBT youth,” said Super Bowl champion and human rights activist Brendon Ayanbadejo, who is a member of the Athlete Ally Board of Directors. Hudson Taylor, Founder and Executive Director of Athlete Ally said: “With Michael Sam’s brave step, he emboldens LGBT athletes and straight allies everywhere. We are in the midst of incredible transformation in American professional sports. In a very short period of time, athletics has gone from being known as ‘the last closet in America’ to being in a position to lead on this issue. This is the power of sports.”UPDATE IV: The NFL has issued a statement: "We admire Michael Sam’s honesty and courage. Michael is a football player. Any player with ability and determination can succeed in the NFL. We look forward to welcoming and supporting Michael Sam in 2014."
Via Tricycle Daily Dharma
Tricycle Daily Dharma February 10, 2014
Pleasure and Pain
The
goal of practice is not to pursue pleasure and avoid pain, but rather
to experience both with full awareness, neither favoring one nor
opposing the other. It is thus possible to experience mental pleasure or
happiness while experiencing a certain amount of physical discomfort.
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- Andrew Olendzki, “Pleasure and Pain”
Read the entire article in the Wisdom Collection through February 11, 2014
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Sunday, February 9, 2014
Via JMG: EL SALVADOR: Gay Marriage Ban Fails
An attempt to place a ban on same-sex marriage into the national constitution has failed miserably in El Salvador.
Reposted from Joe Jervis
According to Spanish news agency EFE, only 19 out of 84 lawmakers on Friday voted in favor of the ban. The measure, which cleared the chamber in 2012, defines marriage as between a man and a woman and their children. It also sought to prohibit El Salvador from recognizing the foreign marriages of gay couples and bans gays from adopting children. A constitutional amendment requires the approval of two consecutive legislatures; a simply majority (43 votes) during the first reading followed by a supermajority (56).RELATED: El Salvador is the only Central American country that allows gays to serve openly in its armed forces.
Via JMG: Anti-Gay US Preachers Are In Sochi
On Friday evening, while huge crowds made their way to the Olympic opening ceremony viewing party, the men warned that “Judgment is coming” and shook hands with anyone who would stop to listen. A few locals did. But more significantly, at a time when discussion of the Olympics is dominated by issues of discrimination, none of the large police presence near the station appeared to approach them. Meanwhile, Friday night brought reports that at least four gay rights activists were arrested in St. Petersburg. One of the three men in Sochi—Larry Craft from Rochester, N.Y.—said that earlier in the day, they had spent a few hours at the police station after their banner got them in trouble. It read, “God bless Putin for his stance on homosexuals.” He said that they were allowed to return to the sidewalk if they promised to put the banner away.Kraft has been arrested several times, including at Southern Decadence 2012 when nine anti-gay preachers were rounded up during "aggressive" street protests.
UPDATE: Queer Nation reacts.
Labels: Christian Love, LGBT rights, religion, Russia, Sochi Olympics, Vladimir Putin
Via JMG: Catholics Polled On Gay Marriage
From a Univision poll conducted in 12 countries:
"Two-thirds of Catholics around the world oppose gay marriage. Only in
the United States and Spain do majorities of Catholics support it."
Univision also polled Catholics on contraception, divorce, abortion, and
female priests. The full PDF is here.
Reposted from Joe Jervis
Via Tricycle Daily Dharma
Tricycle Daily Dharma February 9, 2014
Change Makes All Things Possible
As
Buddhists, we work to accept the impermanence and inevitable decay of
the physical body. But it’s not enough to accept it as a fact; we can
believe in this and still not want it in plain sight. Nagarjuna said,
‘Change makes all things possible.’ It is only because of change that
suffering can end—and it is because of change that our bodies fall
apart, like all compounded things. We cannot have one without the other,
but we try.
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- Sallie Tisdale, “Washing Out Emptiness”
Read the entire article in the Wisdom Collection through February 10, 2014
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Saturday, February 8, 2014
Via Tricycle Daily Dharma
Tricycle Daily Dharma February 8, 2014
Concentration and Inquiry
It
is essential that you cultivate together and in harmony these twin
elements of concentration and inquiry. Concentration will bring
stability, stillness, and spaciousness; inquiry will bring alertness,
vividness, brightness, and clarity. Combined, they will help you to
develop creative awareness, an ability to bring a meditative mind to all
aspects of your daily life. In this way, meditation becomes both a
refuge and a training: a refuge into being, and a training into doing.
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- Martine Batchelor, “A Refuge Into Being”
Read the entire article in the Wisdom Collection through February 9, 2014
For full access at any time, become a Tricycle Community Supporting or Sustaining Member
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