Wednesday, December 14, 2016
Via Huffington Post: QUEER VOICES - Why We Can’t Be ‘Friends’ Any Longer After You Voted For Donald Trump
Dear X,
Every day that goes by since the election I become more despondent and more infuriated about your having supported Donald Trump.
His continued unstable, childish, dangerous behavior on Twitter and off; his horrifying, extreme picks for the cabinet – individuals who are hostile to civil rights and seem chosen to dismantle government; his surrounding himself with generals, billionaires and nationalists – all of it is alarming and I’m truly frightened for our country.
The thought of speaking with you, just when maybe the anger has simmered somewhat, becomes more unsettling ― and enrages me further ― as each day’s news breaks.
How could I continue a friendship with you knowing that you voted for rolling back my rights as a gay man – most of Trump’s cabinet choices are vehemently opposed to LGBT rights – and the rights of millions of women and people of color?
I can’t fall back on the narrative of you being the downtrodden Rust Belter who is experiencing “economic anxiety” and feeling “left behind.” You ― like, in fact, the majority of Trump supporters ― fit none of that. You’re an educated white woman with college-educated children and you’ve gone from living in one 93 percent white, well-off enclave to another over the past 30 years.
We were childhood friends and went our separate ways in adulthood. But we always kept in touch. We’d see each other at events, catch up on the phone now and then, wish one another “Happy Birthday,” and maybe have dinner on the off chance we were in the same city.
I now realize I never really knew you.
In thinking back there were the hints, which surfaced over dinner, or in a chat on the phone, that perhaps you supported Republicans, or were unsatisfied with President Obama. (Certainly my politics, in my work as a journalist and commentator, are on full display, and some people are more guarded in my presence when it comes to discussing their own views.)
Still, that certainly didn’t mean you’d support Trump. Many Republicans didn’t. You always seemed to care about human rights. You supported me through my own coming out as gay when I was young, and expressed support for marriage equality. You left me a message the day after the shooting massacre at the LGBT nightclub, Pulse, in Orlando last June ― the last time we had an exchange ― sending me your moral support, to which I responded with a thank you.
That’s why this is all the more shocking. You’re too informed, too aware to just have blindly followed Trump. And my only conclusion is that the dark, ugly bigotry of this man was dismissed by you, tolerated by you. That’s unacceptable. You allowed for the legitimacy of white supremacists and a brutal misogyny we have never seen at this level of politics. Any conversation we would have would devolve into my saying things that would surely hurt you far more than simply breaking off or severely diminishing communications.
I only found out about your support for Trump after I went to your Facebook page a few days after the election. An exchange with someone else in a similar situation piqued my curiosity. I wouldn’t have in a million years thought you voted for Trump, but I just had to check.
And there I saw it: the promotion of Trump propaganda by a charlatan who made viral videos rationalizing why it was important to vote for Trump despite his grotesque statements and beliefs. One of those videos made the case shortly after the release of the “Access Hollywood” tape, explaining that, yes, Trump is a “narcissist” and the tape is vile and gross, but that “we” have to use his narcissism to “our” advantage. Further down in your timeline there was another video from the same con-man promoting the bigger con-man. And there were a few other references showing your support for Trump.
I thought about it for a while, and then decided to unfriend you. Then, days later, I blocked you. If you do reach out with a voice mail or a text, I will likely not return it. Some have said in the days since the election that they can’t believe people are ending friendships and family relationships over “politics.” They’d say that I’m being silly, petty, or overacting.
But this election was and continues to be about so much more than “politics.” This is about values and respect. It’s about bigotry and hate. It’s about of millions of people’s rights being threatened, including my rights as a gay man and yours as a woman. It’s about putting our entire democracy in danger of transforming into an autocracy, and legitimizing and making alliances with our worst adversaries, whose goal is to dominate us.
Others would say they understand the desire to cut off the friendship, but that it’s better to continue dialogue and educate. Perhaps, this thinking goes, you’ll see what’s happening as we move forward and then reach out for an understanding and maybe offer a mea culpa.
I get that. But we are in a grave situation, with little time to spare. At this current moment, since you don’t see that we’re in a national emergency (to which you contributed), you may only be jarred if your comfortable life is affected – such as by losing one or more friends and being forced to reflect on the magnitude of what you’ve done.
Beyond all that, as I said above, I realize I never really knew you.
When it comes to the things that matter greatly to me, I’ve now learned we have very little in common. Words of support for me and concern for my well-being are superficial when you can’t be counted on when it really matters ― when rights are on the line. The election has brought that into sharp relief.
So I’ll keep my ears open, but unless you experience a truly deep transformation, I’m simply being honest when I say we can no longer be friends.
-
Make the jump here to read the original and more
Every day that goes by since the election I become more despondent and more infuriated about your having supported Donald Trump.
His continued unstable, childish, dangerous behavior on Twitter and off; his horrifying, extreme picks for the cabinet – individuals who are hostile to civil rights and seem chosen to dismantle government; his surrounding himself with generals, billionaires and nationalists – all of it is alarming and I’m truly frightened for our country.
The thought of speaking with you, just when maybe the anger has simmered somewhat, becomes more unsettling ― and enrages me further ― as each day’s news breaks.
How could I continue a friendship with you knowing that you voted for rolling back my rights as a gay man – most of Trump’s cabinet choices are vehemently opposed to LGBT rights – and the rights of millions of women and people of color?
I can’t fall back on the narrative of you being the downtrodden Rust Belter who is experiencing “economic anxiety” and feeling “left behind.” You ― like, in fact, the majority of Trump supporters ― fit none of that. You’re an educated white woman with college-educated children and you’ve gone from living in one 93 percent white, well-off enclave to another over the past 30 years.
We were childhood friends and went our separate ways in adulthood. But we always kept in touch. We’d see each other at events, catch up on the phone now and then, wish one another “Happy Birthday,” and maybe have dinner on the off chance we were in the same city.
I now realize I never really knew you.
In thinking back there were the hints, which surfaced over dinner, or in a chat on the phone, that perhaps you supported Republicans, or were unsatisfied with President Obama. (Certainly my politics, in my work as a journalist and commentator, are on full display, and some people are more guarded in my presence when it comes to discussing their own views.)
Still, that certainly didn’t mean you’d support Trump. Many Republicans didn’t. You always seemed to care about human rights. You supported me through my own coming out as gay when I was young, and expressed support for marriage equality. You left me a message the day after the shooting massacre at the LGBT nightclub, Pulse, in Orlando last June ― the last time we had an exchange ― sending me your moral support, to which I responded with a thank you.
That’s why this is all the more shocking. You’re too informed, too aware to just have blindly followed Trump. And my only conclusion is that the dark, ugly bigotry of this man was dismissed by you, tolerated by you. That’s unacceptable. You allowed for the legitimacy of white supremacists and a brutal misogyny we have never seen at this level of politics. Any conversation we would have would devolve into my saying things that would surely hurt you far more than simply breaking off or severely diminishing communications.
I only found out about your support for Trump after I went to your Facebook page a few days after the election. An exchange with someone else in a similar situation piqued my curiosity. I wouldn’t have in a million years thought you voted for Trump, but I just had to check.
And there I saw it: the promotion of Trump propaganda by a charlatan who made viral videos rationalizing why it was important to vote for Trump despite his grotesque statements and beliefs. One of those videos made the case shortly after the release of the “Access Hollywood” tape, explaining that, yes, Trump is a “narcissist” and the tape is vile and gross, but that “we” have to use his narcissism to “our” advantage. Further down in your timeline there was another video from the same con-man promoting the bigger con-man. And there were a few other references showing your support for Trump.
I thought about it for a while, and then decided to unfriend you. Then, days later, I blocked you. If you do reach out with a voice mail or a text, I will likely not return it. Some have said in the days since the election that they can’t believe people are ending friendships and family relationships over “politics.” They’d say that I’m being silly, petty, or overacting.
But this election was and continues to be about so much more than “politics.” This is about values and respect. It’s about bigotry and hate. It’s about of millions of people’s rights being threatened, including my rights as a gay man and yours as a woman. It’s about putting our entire democracy in danger of transforming into an autocracy, and legitimizing and making alliances with our worst adversaries, whose goal is to dominate us.
Others would say they understand the desire to cut off the friendship, but that it’s better to continue dialogue and educate. Perhaps, this thinking goes, you’ll see what’s happening as we move forward and then reach out for an understanding and maybe offer a mea culpa.
I get that. But we are in a grave situation, with little time to spare. At this current moment, since you don’t see that we’re in a national emergency (to which you contributed), you may only be jarred if your comfortable life is affected – such as by losing one or more friends and being forced to reflect on the magnitude of what you’ve done.
Beyond all that, as I said above, I realize I never really knew you.
When it comes to the things that matter greatly to me, I’ve now learned we have very little in common. Words of support for me and concern for my well-being are superficial when you can’t be counted on when it really matters ― when rights are on the line. The election has brought that into sharp relief.
So I’ll keep my ears open, but unless you experience a truly deep transformation, I’m simply being honest when I say we can no longer be friends.
-
Make the jump here to read the original and more
Via Daily Dharma / December 14, 2016: What Forgiveness Is
True
forgiveness does not deny the suffering of the past but has a
tremendous dignity and courage and power of love in it that says we
will, and can, start again.
—Jack Kornfield, "A Change of Heart"
—Jack Kornfield, "A Change of Heart"
Tuesday, December 13, 2016
Via Daily Dharma / December 13, 2016: The Revolution of Enlightenment
Buddhism is inherently revolutionary. I can’t think of anything more radical than enlightenment.
—Daisaku Ikeda, "Faith in Revolution"
—Daisaku Ikeda, "Faith in Revolution"
Monday, December 12, 2016
Via Daily Dharma / December 12, 2016: The Big Questions
When
we are willing to hold our life questions as mysteries rather than as
problems that have to be fixed or solved, we become more comfortable
with the creative energy of not knowing.
—Narayan Liebenson Grady, "Questioning the Question" |
Sunday, December 11, 2016
Via Ram Dass
Bring
your awareness back to the rising and falling of the breath, and just
note the rising and falling. Because the ego is so clever, in which it’s
constantly judging, so just sit and do the practice, holding only that
awareness.
Via Daily Dharma / December 11, 2016: A Dearth of Compassion
|
When
there isn’t enough compassion being generated (either for ourselves as
individuals or in the world in general), we become unbalanced; we suffer
from it as we would from a lack of fresh air and clean water.
—Patricia Anderson, "Real or Pretend" |
Saturday, December 10, 2016
Via Daily Dharma / December 10, 2016: A Cog in the Machine of the Universe
Realizing
one is simply part of the machinery, or the music, of the universe,
with its resonating structure of wave patterns: this one giving rise to
this one, giving rise to this one . . . to hear this music, piercing as
it is, restores a measure of order in the havoc of pain.
—Noelle Oxenhandler, "A Streetcar in Your Stomach"
—Noelle Oxenhandler, "A Streetcar in Your Stomach"
Friday, December 9, 2016
A few links from Lion's Roar: Weekend Reader: How to deal with a difficult person
Photo by Ian Evenstar.
It’s
one thing when we hear, as Buddhism so often teaches us, that our ideas
about self and other are really just ideas. It’s another thing to live
as though it’s true. With work, though, we can realize that even those
we find difficult have much to offer, much to teach us, and that our
connections to others are much more than some lovely philosophical
concept. May the teachings here rouse us to open our hearts and minds to
all.
—Rod Meade Sperry, editor, LionsRoar.com
---
Karen Kissel Wegela introduces a tool to help you skillfully focus on and work with a challenging person in your life.
...
In Buddhism, particularly in the Mahayana teachings, the cultivation of
compassion is pivotal. Compassion refers to our desire to alleviate the
sufferings of all beings. In order to do this, the first step is to
recognize, acknowledge and open to the reality of suffering both in our
own lives and in the lives of others. [...]
---
“There are no human enemies,” says Sylvia Boorstein, “only confused people needing help.”
...
Shantideva, the sixth-century Buddhist commentator, gives this example in A Guide to the Bodhisattva's Way of Life:
Suppose a person hits you with a stick. It does not make sense to be
angry at the stick for hurting you, since the blows were inflicted by a
person. Neither, he continues, does anger toward the person make sense,
since the person is compelled by anger (or greed or delusion). Ignorance
becomes the villain, overwhelming reason and creating suffering. Is
Shantideva still relevant in this 21st-century world? [...]
---
In Vietnam during the French Indochina War, the famed Zen teacher made an unlikely but meaningful connection.
...
One
morning I set out from Bao Quoc for my monthly visit back to my root
temple. I felt light and joyful at the thought of seeing my teacher, my
monastic brothers, and the ancient, highly venerated temple.
I had just gone over a hill when I heard a voice call out. Up on the hill, above the road, I saw a French soldier waving. Thinking he was making fun of me because I was a monk, I turned away and continued walking down the road. But suddenly I had the feeling that this was no laughing matter. Behind me I heard the clomping of a soldier’s boots running up behind me. Perhaps he wanted to search me; the cloth bag I was carrying could have looked suspicious to him. I stopped walking and waited. [...]
I had just gone over a hill when I heard a voice call out. Up on the hill, above the road, I saw a French soldier waving. Thinking he was making fun of me because I was a monk, I turned away and continued walking down the road. But suddenly I had the feeling that this was no laughing matter. Behind me I heard the clomping of a soldier’s boots running up behind me. Perhaps he wanted to search me; the cloth bag I was carrying could have looked suspicious to him. I stopped walking and waited. [...]
Via Daily Dharma / December 9, 2016: You Have Nothing to Renounce
Think
of the benefits of renunciation. Or if you prefer, contemplate the
illusory nature of samsara, and appreciate that you have nothing to
renounce.
—Amie Barrodale, "The Night Report"
—Amie Barrodale, "The Night Report"
Via Buddhist Churches of America (BCA) Bookstore / FB: December 8th - is Bodhi Day
Thursday, December 8, 2016
Via Ram Dass / Words of Wisdom
The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly
themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in
loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential
likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the
reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Thomas Merton
Via Ram Dass / Words of Wisdom
Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.
- Anne Lamott
Via Daily Dharma / December 8, 2016: Fear of Pain
If we’re afraid of pain and always try to change it to pleasure, we’ll end up even more ignorant than before.
—Upasika Kee Nanayon, "A Glob of Tar"
—Upasika Kee Nanayon, "A Glob of Tar"
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