Wednesday, August 21, 2024

Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Speech: Refraining from Harsh Speech

 



RIGHT SPEECH
Refraining from Harsh Speech
Harsh speech is unhealthy. Refraining from harsh speech is healthy. (MN 9) Abandoning harsh speech, one refrains from harsh speech. One speaks words that are gentle, pleasing to the ear, and affectionate, words that go to the heart, are courteous, and are agreeable to many. (DN 1) One practices thus: “Others may speak harshly, but I shall abstain from harsh speech.” (MN 8)

The monks at Kosambi had taken to quarreling and brawling and were deep in disputes, stabbing each other with verbal daggers. They could neither convince one another nor be convinced by others; they could neither persuade one another nor be persuaded by others. The Buddha then said to them: “What can you possibly know, what can you see, that you take to acting like this? It will lead to your harm and suffering for a long time.” (MN 48)
Reflection
This is such an incisive question: What can you possibly know or see to make you act like this? We think it must be something compelling for someone to turn against their own best interests and harm themselves. What higher purpose justifies this? These brawling and quarreling people were not only stabbing each other with verbal arrows, but by doing so they were also inflicting a lot of harm upon themselves.

Daily Practice
The next time you are engaged in an argument with someone, stop and look inward, examining your state of mind and body. Notice the physical tension and the harsh emotional attitude of the moment. Now ask yourself: Does the issue under dispute really require inflicting damage on myself? Can you feel the harm and suffering involved in such agitated and aversive emotional states? Let it go; you’ll be better off.

Tomorrow: Reflecting upon Mental Action
One week from today: Refraining from Frivolous Speech

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Questions?
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Via Daily Dharma: Intention Above Effects

 

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Intention Above Effects

I believe that as long as it’s done with care, nothing is futile. And so you do the best you can and relieve the suffering that you can, and you know that nothing is going to last forever.

William deBuys, “Finding Grace Amid the Grief”


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Awakening Together
By Ruth King
Embracing social and political issues in the dharma hall
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Via Thich Nhat Hanh Foundation // The Raft: Waves and Water

 

Inspiration from the International Plum Village Community
August 2024

The Raft

"There are two dimensions to life, and we should be able to touch both. One is like a wave, and we call it the historical dimension. The other is like the water, and we call it the ultimate dimension, or nirvana. We usually touch just the wave, but when we discover how to touch the water, we receive the highest fruit that meditation can offer."

Thich Nhat Hanh, Peace Is This Moment


Via Ram Dass - Love Serve Remember Foundation // Words of Wisdom - August 21, 2024 💌

 

By acting compassionately, by helping to restore justice and to encourage peace, we are acknowledging that we are all part of one another.

- Ram Dass -

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Tuesday, August 20, 2024

Via Dhamma Wheel | Right Intention: Cultivating Appreciative Joy

 


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RIGHT INTENTION
Cultivating Appreciative Joy
Whatever you intend, whatever you plan, and whatever you have a tendency toward, that will become the basis upon which your mind is established. (SN 12.40) Develop meditation on appreciative joy, for when you develop meditation on appreciative joy, any discontent will be abandoned. (MN 62) 

The far enemy of appreciative joy is discontent. (Vm 9.100)
Reflection
It is telling that we do not even have a word in English for the Pali word for appreciative joy (mudita). By putting together two words, we only approximate what we are trying to convey. Appreciative joy is the emotion of feeling happy for the other person, not because of them or about them, but celebrating the fact that they are happy and feeling blessed or fortunate in some way. Why don’t we have a word for this?

Daily Practice
Pay close attention to what happens in your own experience when you hear news of some good fortune befalling someone, whether the person is well known to you or not. Do you feel resentment, jealousy, or some other form of discontent? If so, stop right there and intervene. Conjure up goodwill instead and practice feeling happy for the person. These two mind states are opposites: one is unhealthy and the other healthy.

Tomorrow: Refraining from Harsh Speech
One week from today: Cultivating Equanimity

Share your thoughts and join the conversation on social media
#DhammaWheel

Questions?
Visit the Dhamma Wheel orientation page.



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89 5th Ave, New York, NY 10003

Via Daily Dharma: The Value of Boundaries

 

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The Value of Boundaries

Without healthy boundaries to enable self-preservation and allow self-care, it may be difficult to cultivate the steady stream of energy that is required to walk the path.

Tara Anand, “Is an Aspiring Bodhisattva Allowed to Have Boundaries?”


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Welcome to Delusionville
By Peter Coyote
Actor and Soto Zen priest on dissolving the boundaries of the self through meditation.
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Via White Crane Institute // ssue #51 of White Crane was devoted to the discussion of Pleasure and featured John Ballew’s piece on Orgasm

 

Today's Gay Wisdom
2017 -

Issue #51 of White Crane was devoted to the discussion of Pleasure and featured John Ballew’s piece on Orgasm.

Orgasm

By John Ballew

Because orgasm and ejaculation tend to happen simultaneously in men, we often think they are the same thing. Understanding that they are not is the key to exploring ecstatic states.

Orgasm is described, even by sexologists, as just the all-of-a-sudden release of the sexual pressure that happens during arousal, followed by an intense relaxation. Sounds like ejaculation. Missing from this medical explanation is any understanding of what happens elsewhere in our multidimensional beings--that is, in our hearts, our souls, our minds. Orgasm doesn't happen just in the pelvis. Studies show changes in brain waves, for instance. Muscles all over the body tense and relax, emotions arise.

Some orgasms are more powerful than others. Sometimes we are seeking a simple release--we are feeling sexual tension, and we want to get rid of it. The resulting orgasm may be a bit of a thrill, and it is certainly pleasurable, but it is a pelvic sneeze compared with full-tilt, openhearted orgasm.

The French phrase for orgasm, "le petit morte" means "the little death." When we are in an orgasmic state, time seems to stop. We experience something transcendent and powerful. We may feel a sense of clarity, losing our sense of self-consciousness, living only in this present moment.

In this ecstatic state we let go of the ego. Our day-to-day anxieties no longer seem so important and we let go of our obsession with the self. We let go of our sense that we are separate from those around us; that's one reason why this ecstatic state is especially powerful for those who are in love. In this orgasmic state we are simply present, alone or with a lover, fully alive and connected with everything that is. It is a powerful spiritual experience, a miracle in itself. Small wonder that so many religions seem to fear sexuality and do everything they can to control it!

To be able to let go during sex and to savor this sense of transcendence is one of life's great joys.

Let's talk about how it increase your body's capacity for pleasure and how to open yourself more fully to this experience.

Bodies which are full of life are more capable of ecstasy than those which are half-asleep. Exercise of at least a mild sort helps. Sex isn't a marathon, but if you spend your life stuck behind a desk and are a couch potato at home and have trouble climbing a flight of stairs without getting winded, you're not likely to feel fully awake and at home in your body.

When having sex either with a partner or solo, let go of any goal other than to feel your body, feel pleasure and connect deeply with yourself or your partner. If you find yourself getting distracted by concerns about erections, what your partner is thinking, how you are doing, etc., notice them and let these thoughts go; be in the moment.

Focus on pleasure rather than orgasm as a goal in itself. Let go of any goal whatsoever. Are you tightening your muscles and holding your body tense? Let go. Relax. Breathe. Savor sensations and delights for their own sake. There is no hurry. What else could be more important than what you are doing right now?

When you start to cum, stay relaxed and breathing. This allows the sensations and rhythms of your body to increase and reverberate inside of you, and it greatly prolongs the pleasure. Keep breathing! Some of us tend to hold our breaths or to breathe very shallowly as we approach climax. Doing so shuts down sensation. In fact, half the pleasure some men's orgasms comes from simply relaxing their too-tense bodies.

A friend recently shared with me that when he starts to ejaculate, he recites to himself the Buddhist prayer of compassion and loving kindness: "May all beings be happy. May all beings be free." In doing so, he shifts his consciousness and expands his vision.

Our culture enshrines the idea of simultaneous orgasm. That can be fun if it happens spontaneously, but working to that end can turn sex into, well, work. Consider instead what can happen when you cum at different times. You can be your partner's witness--seeing him in this moment of transcendence, truly being there for him. He can be there for you, free from his own need to do anything other than just be with you; that's magic enough.

The time following orgasm is sacred time, sometimes referred to as "afterglow." Enjoy it, whether you are by yourself or with someone else. Notice what thoughts, even visions, come to you. Notice what you are feeling. Don't be in a big hurry to clean up. Stay where you are. If you have been making love to yourself, this can be a useful time to simply enjoy the feelings of peace and openness. If you are with a partner, this gentle, open time can be a wonderful opportunity to affirm your love for one another.

The openness that many of us feel after orgasm may also bring up negative feelings. Perhaps you realize that the person you just shared this experience with was someone with whom this level of intimacy was more awkward than you expected, or perhaps old messages about sex-and-shame made an unwelcome visit. This may be an opportunity for you to learn something about yourself.

John R. Ballew, M.S., is a licensed professional counselor in private practice in Atlanta. He specializes in issues related to coming out, sexuality, and relationships, spirituality and career. He can be reached via the web at www.bodymindsoul.org.


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Gay Wisdom for Daily Living from White Crane Institute

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