10 Crazy Christian Quotes You May Not Have Heard

We all hear of the uber-crazy stuff that high-profile fundamentalists Christians say. Stupid Christian quotes are gleefully reported by the liberal media, and rightly so. For those of us who are SANE Christians, it’s a reminder of the reasons that non-believers think all Christians are crazy. As a member of the Christian Left, I say “let’s expose these kooks”! Here are some quotes by fundamentalist Christians that you may not have heard. Y’all enjoy.

1. “When the temptation to masturbate is strong, yell “Stop!” to those thoughts as loudly as you can in your mind. Then recite a portion of the Bible or sing a hymn.”  –Mormon Guide to Self-Control
2. “We don’t have to protect the environment, the Second Coming is at hand.” –James Watt, Secretary of the Interior during the Reagan years.
3. “I called to buy some meth, but I threw it away.” —Rev. Ted Haggard, when details began to emerge about his visits to a male prostitute, in 2006.
4. Our culture is superior. Our culture is superior because our religion is Christianity and that is the truth that makes men free. –Pat Buchanan
5. “This Christmas I want you to do the most loving thing and I want you to buy each of your children an SKS rifle and 500 rounds of ammunition.” —A speaker at the 1995 convention of the U.S. Taxpayers Party. A few months later, Dobson endorsed their candidate for president, Howard Phillips.
6. “Kids today are looking for something to die for… If you give them something to die for, they’ll go to the edge of the earth for you.”  —James Dobson’s son Ryan, in 2005. His book, 2Die4 : The Dangerous Truth About Following Christ advocates “murderous war because our enemies are deadly.”
7. “The right of holding slaves is clearly established in the Holy Scriptures, both by precept and example.”  –R. Furman, Baptist, of South Carolina
8. “Sex education classes in our public schools are promoting incest.” –Jimmy Swaggart
9. “Nobody has the right to worship on this planet any other God than Jehovah. And therefore the state does not have the responsibility to defend anybody’s pseudo-right to worship an idol.”  –Rev. Joseph Morecraft, Chalcedon Presbyterian Church, “Biblical Role of Civil Government” speech given 8/31/93 at Biblical Worldview and Christian Education Conference
10. “When you know the LORD you have no need for masturbation.” –Brice Wellington

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